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Summary of Question:Divorce Or Keep Fighting To Save Marriage?
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Monday, 9/20/2010 10:55 AM MDT

hello,

your website offers advice, something which i need. its a very nice website.
well, i'm married, my husband has changed since the arrival of his sister-in-law into my married family. she is his second cousin, now married to his brother. my in-laws wanted my brother-in-law to marry my sister, but my family did not accept and so this girl who is also related to my inlaws was married to my brother-in-law so he could come to america.
anyways, lots of stuff. to make it short, they are living with us, have been for 3 years. i left my husband for over a year, with my kids, in hopes that he would encourage his brother and sister-in-law to get a place of their own. they did not leave (my sister-in-law and brother in law), and i came back to him under his promise he'd stop using drugs and they would leave one day and under some family advice that i should not be the one to leave the house but my sister-in-law and brother-in-law should.)....there was bad past that my husband told me about and my mother-in-law told me about my sister-in-law's family and her, but now everyone is not mentioning it because they don't want to upset my brother-in-law and expecting me to forget things to. my sister-in-law is sneaky and i've talked to her matter of factly of things and she says something and does another.
my life right now is this, we live in apartment. if i enter the living the room and my husband is watching tv, the brother/sister-in-law. if i am not present in the room, they stay in the room with my husband. my sister-in-law is trying to villify me but stupid thing is my husband is part of the problem as he should be able to say to his brother and sister-in-law that what am I (his wife) gonna say to her when there are two men in the same room??? So what i'm saying is that when i enter the room they all leave then my husband gives me dirty looks cuz they leave cause of me. if my kids are in room and i am not in room they talk to kids, if i enter room, they leave and again husband is pissed off at me.
my family has spoken to my brother in law and mother in law asking my brother in law to leave because of the no love between me and my sisterinlaw. my brother in law is very seflfish and has remained stubborn to disrupt my marriage. my husband is under some wierd spell, he remains watching tv from 5:30pm to 1 am sometimes everyday, i dont know whether he is trying to show his brother and sister-in-law that he has no relations wiht me and showing them he too doesn't like me and he is on their side, i have no idea!
i am in a situation where my sister-in-law hates me because she knows her husband wanted to marry my sister, my brother-in-law hates me because he thinks because of me he could not marry my sister. my husband is not approachable to talk because he is doing drugs (which my family is worried about and has spoken to his family that maybe he will stop if brother/sister-inlaw goes away, and that his brother should encourage and stand up to my husband and say we are leaving if u don't stop doign drugs....but no one is willing to help my husband stop the habit as he is the one paying the major bills of rent, utilities, etc..cause of him the other brother is able to send some money back to india). my life is in ruins, my kids are 5 and 3, getting big...my husband takes the doday--poppy plant. what are my option??????, should i stay in this marriage and try to make him value me and the kids??? i feel if i divorce him i am doing what my sister-in-law wants. i don't know...any drug lawyer who is punjabi, maybe i can get some contact info on who i can call and get advice where to go from this situation...i love my husband and want my marriage to work, but i am thinking its one sided and feel he is not gonnna stop using drugs or put me and kids first. my brother-in-law is a jerk, he knows of this and is using the situation to his advantage.
advice please.
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reply
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Dear one, first start reciting 1) Sopurkh ninanjan 11 times a day for your husband and visualize him as a saint. Do this in spite of all the friction and drugs. You have a great beaming power that you can use and affect him positively. Perhaps do this while he is watching TV with the others.
2) then, for now, try to forget about the home conflicts and discuss together- him doing a DE-ADDICTION program!!! He is not a functional man and is sucumbing to the home stress by avoiding it through the drugs. This is where your beaming support of him will be VERY important.
The family does not want to rock his boat cause he is the money man.
3) seems logical that you and your husband move and get your own place...until he gets himself clean or permanently as this entire situation is so unhealthy for your family....husband and children and you.

The family are enablers...that means they are supporting your husbands addiction and the imbalance in the home. You have the clarity to see the problem so you must take the wise actions. Also, when you find the clarity to be balanced and focused, open up to getting the support of father/mother of husband
for husbands de-addiction program,

Many blessings to you in this noble effort. SK




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