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Summary of Question:	Can I (English Lady) Have A Relationship With A Sikh Man
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 1/03/2004 9:29 AM MST

I would be so grateful to anyone that might be able to give me some good advice. I am 28 year old single mother of one. I live in Ireland and have recently met someone who has become very special to me. We first met as friends on the internet, but over the last few months we have become very close. He is from Bangalore and is at the moment living in Dubai, He phones me often (we'll call him SB) and we chat a lot on the net. SB says he loves me, and I know It is love for me too. SB wants to visit me soon, and this is where I'm worried, I realize that if SB gets here then it will be too hard for either of us to leave our love at just phone calls and chatting over the internet. It means that everything is going to change. SB has told me he is a Sikh, and he is proud of it and that is fine with me, all I know is how special he is. In the begining he explained that he is a virgin and that he is going to wait until he is married, he was worried it would be a problem for me, but it is the oppisite I am so proud of him for it, but I on the other hand had my first child at 17, dont get me wrong I dont sleep around I stayed with my daughters dad for a coulple of years and he has since married a lovely woman and we all have respect and get on well with one another. I haven't bothered with many people since, I'm doing ok just working and looking after my daugher (who is 11 now). I'm really worried that his family wont approve of me, I have asked him about this but he says they wont mind, I also have a coulple of tattoos, and Im not sure if this will be frowned upon or not. I really love this man, and it feels so right, but when I think of the future it worries me. I don't want to cause a rift with his family. I believe I am a good person, I don't steel, cheat etc... I would never dream of hurting anyone, even if they did to me. I just want a happy peaceful life, and one day the chance to meet someone to share it with. But I woouldnt be happy marrying SB if there is a chance I might split his family, I will break my own heart first. So please answer honestly, do you think our relationship will cause problems given the fact that this man is sikh and I'm me.

Thank you Keely.

(REPLY) Sat Nam, Internet romances are really hazardous. You don't know how honest or trustworthy this man really is. I would hope that as a Sikh (and he says proud to be!) when he tells you his family won't mind, he may be right. It would be unusual, frankly. However, you will never know until you meet him, and more importantly, meet his family. In the meantime, don't let your "feelings" cause you to get involved with this man. Meet with him in public places, do NOT invite him to your home until you have had tea or dinner with him in public a few times and had a chance to talk at length. Find out more about his background and see if he wants you to meet his family. You are old enough now to take responsibility, and with a daughter, you have to put her welfare and safety and happiness as your first priority. If you have a friend you can trust, take her along to your first meeting with this man. Be careful, be conscious, be calm and also, you would be wise to study up a bit about the Sikh religion so you can understand him better. Best wishes. SP