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Summary of Question:	Frustrated Sister
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Monday, 11/21/2005 11:46 PM MST

Dear sikhnet,

I am extremely frustrated and don't know what to do. I live with my parentsa nd my 18 yr old brother, along with my husband and child. We were once a very happy family, always laughing and enjoying each other's company. About a year ago, my brother's attitude got worse and worse. We found out about his girlfriend, whom nobody approved of, and so the tension built in our home. It seems that my brother can't let go of her, which was ok at forst with me and my hubby, but lately, his relationship has been affecting his performance in school, and his lif in all aspects. He told us recently that he broke up with her, but i don't know if i believe that or not. He has agreed to marry someone per my parents' request. However, he camehome today and sat on the stairs, not talking to anyone for a couple of hours, then he went outside in the freezing cold, and just sat there crying. Part of this was because of the fighting at home. It seems that not a day goes by that we don't fight. However, he told me today that he had dreams od dying, and that GOD tells him that he shouldn't behave the way he does (rebellious). This really scared me. He told me that he doesn't feel physically capable of anything anymore. He is 6'1" and went to he gym everyday. He likes bodybuilding, but lately, he's losing his muscle tone. We got him tested for drugs, but that's negative. He has kept the sikhi saroop, but unfortunately, he has let go of the amrit he once took. After his drug test came back negative, he told me that there's something on the inside that he feels...he told me in exact words while crying, "I literally feel like I'm dying" as an older sister, you can imagine my agony. I can't even tell my parents cause he swore me to it. He says that he has dreams of heaven and hell, etc. I'm scared. Nobody in our house has time to do path anymore, but I feel that is just an excuse on our part. Is there anything I can do, please help me...This situation is affecting our whole family because we were always such a close-knit family. What options do we have? How can I handle this cuz I can't stand to see him like this. Should I believe him, or is it an excuse? Is there any path we can do that will help in specific? I do realize that we should do nitnem no matter what...but is there anything extra...please respond asap...it would be appreciated very much. Thank you
Sincerely,
frustrated sister

---reply

Don't take light your brother's feelings. He needs to talk to someone neutral and supportive. If you can find him a good counselor, he would probably benefit from talking to that person. He probably feels helpless and hopeless, like he has no say in his future. It is important that he feels empowered again, that he can make decisions for his life and then will have to face the consequences of those decisions. He is of the younger generation. Things are changing very quickly. What worked for your parents generation is not going to work with his. He needs to be listened to and given a chance to have a say in his future. Otherwise, he may be pushed against the wall, so to speak, and do something regretful. He needs to feel that someone is on his side and will at least listen to him and help him "figure out" his life. You can chant Dhan Dhan for your brother. Blessings. GTKK