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Summary of Question:	Joint Family Issues
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Monday, 4/07/2008 10:44 PM MDT

SAT SRI AKAL JI

I am from a Sikh family.And i am really bothered with family issues. Basically we live in a joint family, with my grandmom, parents and 2 of us-kids. My grandmom is very sweet lady but at times she acts like very mean person, like when we were kids i always thought tht my grandma is like not other mother in laws to my mom but now i realise that a mother in law can never become a mother, like no matter what all my mom does for her she is never happy, whenever we all sit together and whereever she doesnt have her say and priority she shows us attitude i mean wt the hell we her grandchildren and we really respect her and love her a lot but she always gives priority to my aunt's kids over us and i feel bad about it. No matter what my dad or my aunt says to her she never minds but whenever ma mom even jokes with her she doesnt talk to her for so many days and then my mom feels so bad. my mom has done so many sacrifices in her married life and spent 25 years of her life with this family and this makes me sad and very depressed that still she could not be what my aunt is to my grandmom. It is really annoying to see so much rude behaviour with my mom that i feel like not talking to my grandmom coz her such attitude washes away all the love and respect i had in my heart for her. she always wants to rule over us and wants her supermacy. my dad knows that but he always tells us to always obey her even if she is wrong cz she is the oldest one in the family and she is his mom and no matter what she says at her heart she loves us all and juss wants our wellfare...I am fine even if she scolds me for nothing but i cannot see my mom depressed like that. this whole atmosphere always stays at my home as my grandmom is never happy with my mom and she is always being addressed as a wrong person and outsider by my grandmom and my aunt and this makes me so sad that i feel like crying but then i say may be thats what god thinks tht my mom deserves this much care and love only from her in laws whom she has been serving from last 25 yrs without saying a single word. But now my mom is also aging and her tolerance power and patience has also decreased so this all makes her depressed and seeing her depressed i get depressed and mad at my grandma and aunt..does me getting annoyed is the krodh from which we are taught to stay away?? how do i handle this situation where basically there is nothing i can do other than praying to GOD ALMIGHTY coz in our family kids dont have a say in elders things and even if i do they will start hating my mom even more as they will think that she has told me to say things to them and above all i really dont want to deal with this nonsense as it appears to me ...i am really worried about my mom and i dont want any more of this ..please can you suggest me any path or anything like that which might help my mom's designation in front of her in laws? like what should i do to bring some peace and love in my family?? please help !! this is getting into my head and i am not happy internally........i cant see my mom or dad sad :(

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Sat Nam. Can you privately have a little chat with your father? Maybe there are ways you and he can make your mother's life more pleasant. Does he show affection and appreciate to her...do you? Show her in little ways that you acknowledge how hard things have been for her and that you appreciate her sacrifice. Be the best person you can. Make your Mom very proud of you. Show her that her life has been worth it, because she made such a wonderful son. Commit to your self that you will take care of her in her older years.
And commit to your self that you will never allow that attitude to exist in your home when you get married. This is just my suggestion. Of course, you have to do what is best for you. Blessings, JJK