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Summary of Question:	Stubborn Wife
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 10/15/2003 6:22 PM MDT

Sat Shri Akal,

I desperately need your help. I was married about 3 years ago, my parents totally rejected my wife although marriage was with their consent and didnot like her at all, I love her and always loved her, she tried her best to be friend to my parents and brother but they never stopped cursing her and her family they even tried their best to convince me that she is not a good match, my dad even hit her for no reason, my wife never said anything to them or misbehaved with them but always told me to get a different place so that she would not have to go through all this bcoz she was house arrested and not allowed to see or talk to her relatives, I finally moved and got separated. Now I have a new problem whenever we visit my parents my wife gets upset when she gets back home and usually all this ends up in an arguement. She is pregnant and she is not willing to forgive them and stop hating them, I think she is stubborn, she has no problem when we go there but when she gets back I have to face her bad mood as she says whenever she looks at them it makes her upset. Although she says that we will go there every couple of months and that's the limit of relationship we are going to keep with them, but I will have to face that she will get upset, which is not acceptable to me. Please guide me.
I will desperately wait for your reply.
Thanks in advance.

(REPLY)

Sat Nam. It was wise and kind of you to move away from your parents home. Now, considering that your wife is pregnant, and pregnant women tend to be extremely emotional at times, why don't you just leave her at home when you go to visit your parents? This is not a time that you should put your wife in any situation that could upset her. Eventually, after the baby is born, surely her reaction to visiting them will not be the same. Meanwhile, try to understand that she is not being "stubborn," but is extremely sensitive, and though she may seem OK during the visit, she can't handle the unpleasant memories that seeing them brings so afterwards,she vents her emotion on you. Her emotional states do affect the baby, so try to give your wife a cozy supportive environment. After the baby is a few months old, (not before!)then you need to have a talk with your wife, and discuss this whole situation so that you and she can both determine just how much visiting would be appropriate and how much she can handle. At this time she needs to know that you support her fully. Blessings, SP