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Summary of Question:	Aren't All Siblings Supposesd To Be Treat Equaly?
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Friday, 8/03/2001 4:16 PM MDT

Wahe Guru JI Ka Khalsa Wahe Guru Je Ke Fathae!

My question is simple. Aren't all children of god supposed to be treated equally? My mom spoils my brother because he is a boy. She spoils my sister because my sister cries when she doesn't get what she wants. I do everything possible to please her but nothing ever works. I do everything and more than what she wants but still she yells at me because I should of done more. I don't think this is fair. What should I do? How can I make it so I am treated as an equal in the family?

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Sat Nam!! I'm sorry you feel things aren't fair. Unfortunately life isn't fair some times. I suggest that you request to speak with your mother, at a time when just the two of you can have a chat. Pick a time when neither of you are rushed or under stress. Go for a walk or have tea together...something cozy and informal. Then, coming from a calm place, present your concern to her. If you become emotional, you will lose the battle, so to speak. You can begin, by saying something like, "I know being a mother must be a very difficult job. I have noticed something in our family that I would like to discuss with you. If feels to me like I don't get fair treatment in the family..." Keep your talk sharing your experience. Refrain from blaming, name calling, or pointing the finger. There is a big difference if you say, "When I try my best and still don't receive any acknowledgement, I feel misunderstood, unrecognized, unimportant...whatever." Try your best to be calm as you discuss this. But, also describ
e your real feelings. Still, this may not work. The most important thing, no matter what happens...you have to feel good about yourself. Some people never receive approval of their parents. Some use that as an excuse to be ineffective and insecure in their lives. There is no excuse to self-sabbatoge yourself. Be yourself, love yourself, and allow yourself to grow into the best person you can be...no matter what any one else thinks. Parents are just human beings, with their own insecurities and weaknesses. Maybe your mother expects so much of you, because she feels you are sooo capable. Maybe she sees a greatness in you she doesn't see in the other children, so she expects more of you. Discuss it with her, but still, the bottom line here - the most important thing is for you to believe in yourself. Good luck. GTKK