Previous
Next
Ask a Question| Previous | Next | Ask a Question |
| Summary of Question: | Attachments N Dissociations |
| Category: | Love & Marriage |
| Date Posted: | Wednesday, 6/25/2008 3:12 AM MDT |
now my problem...which i am sure you have come across n have very well addressed in the past...i have searched the forum read those answers,sought solace, peace n direction from them...but i want to understand wht i am suppossed to learn from this problem...i belong to a God loving,Sikh family...all of them do paath but it is rather strange tht the knowledge was not passed onto me at the right age as when i was small, my mom got divorced. so even though by Gurus grace i got everything i needed but my childhood was full of tension n turmoil..but those days passed..it was a tough time for all of us..now the situation is much better...i have completed my professional education, mom is well adjusted with life now..about 3 yrs back a guy came into my life..he seemed to be a very caring person n as i didnt have any father figure after my grandfather passed away i got very attached to his caring nature..we were good friends...i came to know he is also from a broken family...i was badly hooked up emotionally with him n i still feel for his mother n his sister...but he was a muslim...i told my mom about my attachmemt with him n she said its simply not done as there is no possible future...when i met him the second time after 2 yrs as we stay far away in different states..he also voiced the same opinion...i was mad n furious n afraid n heartbroken to see all my hopes n dreams to come to a clash..but after a lot of support from friends,family n every1 m coming out of it..recently my uncle got divorced...there are basically many examples in my life n around me where ppl have walked away frm their responsibilities n relations n attachments...Gurbani says we should attach ourself to the lotus feet of God, so my question is how much n how will i know with whom to attach myself n to sustain the relation,why ppl walk out on relations,do we need to learn to sacrifice a little for maintaining a relation or shd we just give up wen things r not going our way..are the human n our relations also moh maya,if yes then how is it different from folowing a life of sanyasi..every1 these days tells myself think about urself,isnt it slfishness?do we have the right to dissociate from the ppl to whom we owe a responsibility of love, respect ..i think this is wat any relation is all about...n Sikhs hate muslims, muslims cannot tolerate Sikhs n Hindus,i wonder is the religion to unite us as children of one god or divide us n prove tht our religion n faith is superior to others..aval allah nur upaaya kudarat ke sab bande...ek noor se sab jag upja kaun bhale ko mande...perhaps very few ppl are ready to realise let alone live with this truth..mom says i live in a fantasy world but isnt such a world desired by the Creator where his children dont fight or discrimnate some1 on the basis of caste, creed..i tell myself i loved a human, a son of God...may be he was himself not able to reciprocate back n he was not able to accept me as a sikh follower...thts perfectly ok..but telling me since he was a muslim my love is not elligible, so am i suppossed to tell myself i will care n feel only for a Sikh n look down upon evry1 else...at times i just wonder wht are Gods viewpoint over this 1.i dont mean to offend any sentiments...i am only too confused myself with the ways of this world.
(REPLY) Sat Nam. You are obviously an intelligent, sensitive and caring young woman. I wish there were a simple answer to your question -- which isn't a simple question, actually! Let me share with you some thoughts that occur to me in response: Times are changing, the world is changing. The values of equality, and all people being equal in the eyes of God that Guru Nanak taught, and his successors expanded upon have yet to manifest fully on this planet. He taught great respect for women, but do we see that in action everywhere? It is against the Sikh principles to hate anyone because of their religious beliefs. It is against Sikh principles to maintain a caste system. Yet these things exist in human beings who profess to be Sikhs. From a practical standpoint, marrying a non-Sikh adds a heavy challenge to an already challenging relationship. As you know, not all Sikh marriages are successful, but one of the big questions in an inter-faith marriage, is "how do you raise the children?" And, if you are living in a Sikh community, how do you fit in? Our Gurus gave us perfect principles, the ideal blueprint for living, how we apply those principles to our human lives is our choice -- and we create our own karmas by our actions. In the book, MARRIAGE ON THE SPIRITUAL PATH on Page 94, actually -- it tells about Guru Ram Das recommending to some women to chant the SO PURKH's (eleven times a day -- not necessarily all at one sitting) to attract to themselves a man of God. (It has other powers as well, such as "taming" a husband, and turning him into a saintly man!plus more). Everyone wants to be happy, and that's excellent, but to think that marriage is the way, or the only way to be happy is not actually true. Being "in love" is often painful - as you've found, and it is often (usually!) misleading and sadly, temporary. Finally, may I humbly suggest that you check out the Matrimonial section here on SikhNet -- (and of course get the book mentioned above.) May God and Guru bless you with the fulfillment of your destiny in peace and joy. SP
Attachments N Dissociations (06/25/2008)