Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Anand Karaj
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 12/27/2005 11:31 AM MST

Dear SikhNet,

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!!!


I am in disbelief that I have a problem and am actually seeking out help on an online forum. I am one of the many Sikhs who read many of the ridiculous and hard to understand nonsensical questions asked on this website. I admire the amount of the patience the moderators have and consider it a great virtue.

My dilemma has been an on-going issue for the past 1 and few months, I met a young Singh and we decided that we a good fit and went on to get the blessings from our parents to be wed. A little bit of back ground information maybe necessary – we are both keshdhari Sikhs born and raised in America. My background is Hindu-Punjabi and his is Sikh-Punjabi. I “converted” to Sikhi many years ago and am very proud and happy with my decision.

In a nutshell my parents are anxious, excited and ready to “marry me off” so to speak. And of course, I’m sure you guessed it- his parents utterly despise the idea of their son marrying someone who was not born a Sikh and more importantly someone that they did not chose on their own volition.

It has become a burden for the both of us and having an Anand Karaj on our own (without his parents) is a viable option now. We are both willing to hold off and continue to give them the opportunity to be apart of our lives for another year. We have sought guidance from many Sikh Leaders in our community and unfortunately few tactics have worked for a short period of time.

We are both committed to Sikhi and making this relationship one with the guru and making it work. I am writing because I am looking for some suggestions on how to deal with his parents so that everyone is
”happy” so to speak. I should also mention that I do not speak to his parent’s about any of this. I have met only his mother and I understand the proper protocol at this time to let him deal with his own parents.

I am not asking whether or not we are wrong – I have the answer to that already and that is why I am pursing this so intensely. I should also mention that I am not looking for a response that has anything to do with “cosmic or tantric energy” or a response that instructs me to read a particular thuk from Gurbani. I am looking for suggestions from an anonymous party and would appreciate straightforward advice.

Thanks in advance!
Gur Fateh!

---reply

It sounds like you are confident in what you are doing and your decision. Bless you. The only thing you are looking for is some advise on how to approach his parents...which he has to do? Is this correct? Well, are there any people in the community that they respect that they would listen to...that knows you and understands how good your union would be? Your fiance knows his parents best...or another relative...like a brother...or sister. You need to be creative and try to come up with a strategy that would work with them. How do they think? What are their concerns? For example, if they are the most concerned about what others think, then you need to find a strategy that will deal with that issue. Evaluate their concerns and then go from there. Of course, the bottom line is you may not please them no matter what you do...until that first grandchild comes along when amazingly enough, many differences and hesitations dissolve. Blessings. Let us know how it goes. GTKK