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Summary of Question: | Marriage And Parents |
Category: | General Sikhism |
Date Posted: | Monday, 2/04/2002 7:00 PM MST |
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Sat Siri Akal, ji.
Well-you have already decided what you are going to do- and the fact that this relationship has been tested by time and space shows that it was no "passing fancy." Sometimes-parents do not understand the role they have with children. The job of a parent is to give a child values and virtues so that the child can face the challenge of tomorrow with strength, courage and dignity. It is not the job of a parent to tell the child what to do with every decision for the rest of the child's life. You must be free to live your destiny, make your choices and handle what those choices bring. The Guru will guide you, your internal wisdom will guide you. You must learn to trust your own decisions or you will live in the duality of doubt the rest of your life. Parents want to control their children-and it comes from a place of love and protection, but ultimatley, it creates such insecurity that the children can never be successful in their lives. Understand one thing: it is not POSSIBLE for you to hurt your parents. Whether or not they feel pain about you is entirely up to them. You cannot make them happy. Only they can make them happy.
I am very grateful to my own parents, who from the time I was young, always told me: "We don't care what you do with your life. As long as you are healthy and happy and you don't wind up in jail, that's all that matters." It was this attitude that allowed me to become a Sikh and know that I would not loose my parents' love or support. They never let whether or not they "agreed" with my decision damage our relationship. Understand that love is unconditional and your parents, who do love you, will eventually come around.
Good luck to you and remember these lessons when you have children of their own. Raise them with good values and then you know-they will always make the right decisions. Raise them to one day have the confidence to be indepedent of you-and that will give them strengh.
God bless.
GPK