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Summary of Question:	Talking About Others
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Sunday, 7/28/2002 11:50 AM MDT

I have a question about talking bad about others. I am aware of what you typically say about this on your forum. However I believe that in some cases talking about others is not necessarily that bad especially if you discussing this amongst your spouse only and also if whatever you say is the truth. I believe that humans are affected by one another more than anything else in this world. And when someone does hurt you then you need to share this with someone who is close to you to get the pain off your heart and to also to get some advice on how to deal with it. I don't beleive that there is anyone in this world that hasn't talked bad about someone else. But what needs to be clarified is what is acceptable and what is not when talking about others. I believe that if you talk bad about others wrongly and spread lies about them to others or publish bad stuff about them then you are wrong but if someone has hurt you or continuously tries to get under your skin so to speak then is that also worng as well. And if it is then can someone please tell me how do you learn to ignore those that hurt you so deeply. I am interested in getting your opinion on this matter

Regards
(REPLY) Obviously someone has said something that has hurt you. To ease the pain, you might try to understand why you feel hurt. Did they lie about you? No one can hurt us unless we allow them to! In other words, no matter what anyone else says, we each have the choice of how we are going to respond. Guru Nanak was terribly slandered, but that didn't stop him from teaching the truth -- which conflicted with a lot of people's beliefs back in those days. He knew who he was, and has enough self-esteem, and such a strong connection to God, and he didn't let their slander bother him, I'm sure. In fact , I'll bet that he blessed them and felt sorry for their ignorance. Just to ignore someone who is saying hurtful things isn't enough, we need to be extremely positive toward them, and bless them --- that way we don't swallow their negative words and give ourselves indigestion! As for telling your wife, well, if what you are telling her is true, I see no reason why you cannot confide in her. But, if she is going to get very negative toward that person, what will it accomplish? If someone is trying to get under your skin and upset you, it seems they have succeeded. But if you can just laugh it off, or, as you said, ignore it, then they will probably stop doing it! It's not "talking bad" about someone if you are telling the truth to protect yourself or someone you love, but otherwise, why even discuss anyone else? It's a good idea never to "put down" anyone, and also never put yourself down either. If you can't forgive the person (which will take away your pain, guaranteed!) then pray for Guru's grace to be able to forgive them, and move on with your life. I hope this helps a little bit. SP