Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	Is It My Fault That The Engagement Will Be Broken?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 11/03/2002 5:16 PM MST

Hello

I had recently gotten engaged a about a year ago with a guy that I thought would love me and stand by me no matter what. We had talked about our past relationships but I was not as honest about one relationship, but recently I told him the truth because I thought that would be the right thing to do since we are sikh. Prior to me telling him we were have problems because he was lying to me about many things and he kept making promises and breaking them. This had caused me a great deal of pain because I thought what kind husband will he be if he already is doing these kind of things. It had gotten to the point where my heart was so broken and so I told him the truth about the past but I think I did it just to hurt him. I never meant to becasue I love him so deeply but becasue of all the other problems it just came out. He is now saying that he is going to break off the engagement because of what I did. He says everything that he's done to me does not compare. This relationship I had was way before I met my fiance and I don't think that he has the basis of breaking it off just because of the way he feels about it. I have never cheated or gone out with someone else because I love him too much and know that he is the one for me, but now he says its all my fault and I feel like it is. I do paath as much as I can, but I feel like my life is falling apart because of this. Please help me.........I am in so much pain. He told me the reason he told me lies was because he did not want to lose me, but I feel that is the same reason I never told him about my past relationship. I don't know what to do because this is all my fault!!!! Please give me some advice.

******************************************************************

Sat Siri Akal.

Daughter, God bless you. The path of marriage is a difficult path because of everything you are experiencing. The test of love is really the test of communication. Problems come up in every relationship. There are issues to work out. He has bad habits that will drive you crazy. You have bad habits that will drive him crazy. The key is - can you both have the courage to talk to each other simply, without any manipulative games and commit to working it out?

Whose fault if the engagement is broken? Both of yours. But it does fall more on your shoulders than on his because as the woman - you know how to communicate better and so maintaining an elevated vibration of communication is your primary responsibility. If you blame, if you get into your insecurity, if you doubt - he isn't strong enough to stay stable and centered. The real issue is - you're not sure he's the right husband for you. You told him something that you had kept hidden partly to hurt him. So - you have to look at yourself and be honest with yourself. Is he or is he not the right man for you? If he is, then sit down, communicate and work out your difference. If he's not, then don't play games. Sit down and tell him straight: the fact that you lie to me and break your promises to me means you're not a man of your word and I need to be with a man who keeps his word. But don't play games with yourself or with him.

Your responsibility as a woman is to measure the man, study him and know what his character is before you commit to him. It's easy to fall in love because 99% of love is a sexual attraction and we can be easily attracted to someone of the opposite sex. But that attraction has no lasting power. What lasts is your character, your shared values and virtues and your ability to communicate lovingly and kindly and work out the problems together.

So decide if you want to marry him or not. And if you do, then just keep talking to him neutrally and lovingly until you have found a solution to your problems that work for the both of you.

God bless you and may Guru guide you to your highest destiny and happiness.


All love,

GPK