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Summary of Question:	Boyfriend No Longer Good Sikh
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 8/01/2003 8:20 PM MDT

SSA

I have a problem which has concerned me for long long time now, I have this boyfriend. We were talking marriage and we are extremely close and I feel to make good partnership between us n thats y I have been deeply considering marriage. I thought this was good idea, bt now it seems many thing change. He has come from India and studying here. When we 1st meet I ws so happy coz i think here is a Good Sikh boy who understands true values and has deep respect for women especially me and respect for family. We wud roam everywhere 2gether and it was perfect relationship. V wud often go together to Gurudwara and I'm feeling so happy coz he kept his hair and wore turban as i see many sikhs coming abroad cut hair. well what im saying is he was very nice good hearted respectable sikh. Well now let us fast fwd 3 years. He has really become terrible and is pressuring me to do many things, he drinks all the time, never goes to Gurudwara and is increasingly abusive to me. We fight all the time and he is on my back about studies. I feel he is no longer strong and no longer has courage -- something i feel is essential to being a total sikh.
He goes to nightclubs with his friends who sit wtching pornography and I dont know what they do there if they seeing other girls cz i feel 2 shy 2 ever go 2 these places. He threatens me with having affairs. I really feel angry and depressed because we had been so close and he had always been so honourable, bt now his behaviour is very disgraceful indeed. He is not understanding as well now and is having hard heart, recently I lost 3 close relatives in a car accident, and a few days after this had happened , v fought again where he shouted at me to f*** off. I dont understand what has happened with him, but I am concerned maybe he has some mental disorder to bring about such a rapid change in space of short time. Coz I'm really angry and feel mad cz he really has been corrupted. I dont understand why sikhs take worst elements of Western culture when there is lot of good to offer but they only take bad part.
neway what i wrote dis letter 4 is coz im feeling in a bind, I dont knw what to do and it is been getting worse and worse everyday. He recently called me a B**** and a SL** wen I never in my live done somethin to deserve this. I try talking to him but he doesnt care abt it and says its all a joke and that he never means it all , but these actions are very hurtful 2 me. His parents r coming out to meet my parents bt I feel as tho I cant let this happen wen he treats me ths way. i am almost kept as a slave & i got noone to talk with. actually i feel very very depressed and even thought 2 killl myself to be with my beloved family that has left this earth just now. im crying as I write this. I really feel trapped and feeling so angry at everything and every1. Cz he has just become so awful 2 me. well its not all bad he buys me things and is sweet 2 me too bt this harshness of him is outweighing the good parts. I feel my honour is at stake here, I always been very strong brave and beautiful girl bt dis is getn me down 2 much..
Dont know who 2 talk with or wat 2 say cz noone listens.
I dont want 2 break relations with dis boy but its getting to heights nw. I stay with him cz i feel and knw somewhere deep inside him is the old strong sikh boy I fell in love with, not this weak creature tht has come abt & I feel mad cz hes been corrupted by his friends and also he has some mental problems wch cause him 2 loose tempers and go crazy.
Please help me
God bless you always and forever
Depressed :(


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Some one who has changed his personality so drastically and so quickly, I would wonder if he hasn't been deeply affected by alcohol or drugs, which both can cause personality changes. My advise to you...listen to your intuition and common sense, which seems to be telling you to not sacrifice your values because he has. You seem to be saying that you want to get out of the relationship. I agree with you. Then, pray that the Guru will find you a boy that will be good to you and live to the values you hold so dear. Be courageous, the daughter of Guru Gobind Singh that you are. Its very likely that if you stay in this relationship, he will ruin you and you will be very unhappy. GTKK