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Summary of Question:	Ninda & Truth
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Thursday, 5/08/2008 5:18 AM MDT

Waheguruji ka khalsa, waheguruji ki fateh,

Firstly thanking you for taking time for my question.

I have the question "What is the difference between Ninda and Sachaii(Truth)?

I have heard in katha that ninda is when we portray someones GUN(good qualities) as Aavgun and also they say if you are saying sachaii(Truth) then say infront of the regarding person.

My mother-in-law keeps saying words which hurts me. I do not answere her back but when my husband comes home i share with him whatever my mother-in-law says me. In this conversation with my husband i try not to do her ninda but say exact words which she said me and its the truth. But the katha people say that say the truth infront of the person..if so then it would create issue at the house. I discuss with him because i feel better when he console me and say you are doing good not answering her back as she is elder to us.

So please clarify what is ninda and truth. Should i discuss these things with him or not because at court of lord we have to answere for everything we do.

--reply---
Sat nam. This is a really perceptive question. It is a big shame your mother-in-law feels she has to belittle you and probably she was belittled when she first moved in with her mother-in-law. I'm guessing that her unkind words are said over and over again. It is truly best to not repeat these things, even when you need to vent and be consoled. That helps deflate the energy of them. The other thing to do is affirm the opposite in your mind, every time she says something unkind. For example, if she says "you are unworthy of my son" you would affirm to yourself mentally "I am worthy of my husband and he is worthy of me." ALSO, mentally recite "Ik Ong Kaar Sat Gurprasad, Sat Gurprasad Ik Ong Kaar" to neutralize that negativity. It is OK, however, to indicate to your husband that you have had another difficult episode with his mother. By this time, I imagine he gets the picture.

Ninda is slander. Slander means lies and untruths. Frankly, any kind of malicious words meant to hurt another are slander. There is God's Truth, and then there is the 'truth' of our everyday reality. Your mother-in-law is still a child of God, but her 'truth' is that she belittles you, and your 'truth' is what you experience from that. But the Truth is that you are both God's children and belong to Waheguru, AND, despite this experience you both have, the Truth is that you are both good people in a dysfunctional relationship.

So make every effort not to give it back and not to repeat it and to affirm that both of you, as women, are the Grace of God.
Guru ang sang,
DKK