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Summary of Question:	Hypocritical Answers On This Website
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 12/24/2002 7:00 PM MST

i've read the posts about dating and tehy are tending to contradict one another. I read some answers and they said yes dating is ok, and i'v read some summary thing saying that its not ok. I'm amritdhari for 2 years, and this is so confusing when i hear all these answers. WEll my e-mail is [email protected] -- If i'm not allowed to find my own wife then i don't think of sikhi as much of a religion anymore. How can it be wrong to choose who u want to marry? E-mail me personally if possible to my email address. So if its not ok then u have to get an arranged marriage right. WEll my family is to screwed up and i don't trust them to find a person for me. If i can't find my own person then it seems liek more of a cult. So i wanna know straight up YES OR NO IS DATING OK. thanx, and straight up. no travelling aroudn this question. DEFINITE ANSWER. cuz i dont' see why i can't find out who i wanna be with. and don't tell me its a burden, cuz everything is a burden. Then why not drop out of school and work at walmart, instead of going to uni becuz it is a burden. think about it. email me back.

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You may think that you have asked one question about Dating; actually, you have asked two questions. One is about dating, the other is about the so-called contradiction you are perceiving in the answers. I will address the second first. You will definitely read what could be perceived as contradictions in answers here on Sikhnet, because there is never one way to answer a question. Life is not just Black and White; there is more gray than anything else. Those of us that are moderators on Sikhnet don't all interpret or experience the Sikh teachings in exactly the same way. And thank goodness it is that way. Sikhi is big enough to encoumpass variations, as long as the foundation is strong. We give you our perspectives and then it is UP TO YOU to make your own decision, according to your consciousness...and what is best for you in your life. You are asking for a definitive answer to your question. There is none.

Which brings me to the first question about dating. There are pros and cons to dating. If dating is done with consciousness and grace, then I could see that it would be a good way to look for a wife. I would be very honest about it...not doing it for sex, ego or popularity. When it is done for those reasons, people get hurt and lose trust in relationships. If you are honest about your intent of looking for a wife...and build relationships based on friendship first, and open communication about what you want and need in a wife and they are honest with you about what they want and need in a husband, then it could work. Ask yourselves questions about your goals in life, about children, household chores, careers, politics...anything which is important to you. Stay away from sex, which only complicates things and makes the relationship based on lust and desires instead of those things which will make your marriage enduring. If you are wanting to just flirt around and have as much sex as you can, then admit that that is what you want. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you want to be modern and find your own wife. What you want is sex, it's simple. If you want to date to find a compatible, loving wife for yourself, then do your search in a very conscious, kind and mature way.

No, I have not given you a Black or White answer. I have given you things to think about. Now it is your job to be a conscious Sikh man, finding your answers from that pure Guru consciousness within. GTKK