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Summary of Question:	My Parents Are Forcing Me Into Marriage
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Sunday, 7/13/2003 3:15 PM MDT

Hi, I am not amritari, I do not do bani everyday, however, I do consider myself religious. I go to the Gurdwara. I pray. I love God and make time everyday to worship him. I have read many things on sikhism and wahguru. I have read that Waheguru prefers that you should study until you are 25 and then look for a marriage partner. I am 23 years of age. I am in love with a man who is 21. We love each other deeply. I have known him for two years and we have both told each other that we will marry. I love him so much that I cannot live without him. However, my parents know about this situation. They are basically telling me to marry him at this very moment and htey have given me a week to tell him OR they will go and look for another man I should marry. I have talked to him about this situation and we both agree that we are goin to study for now, and then we will marry. I find that this is the best soultion, considering we have no financial income and no stable means of living. We both have agreed that we will marry in another two years. My parents know that this is what we want...however, they have told me stop tlaking to him, to not leave the house, to not even look for a job, because they will not let me leave the house, until they have found a suitable husband for me. This has hurtned me so much, and also it has hurtneed tha man that I lvoe. We are not ready to be married rite now, not at this exact moment. I cant bear the thought of not seenign him. i havent seen him for three days now, because my parents will not leave the house for any reason. THey have taken my car away. They have taken everythign away from me. I Dont know what to do. THis is hurting him so much, not being able to at least see me. Why are my parents doing this to me??? I have never done anythign bad, or anything in my life, that is considered not rite, except fall in love witha man that I want to spend the rest of my life with and be one soul. Thank you for reading my problem. CAn you please give me some advice.

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I think I would try talking to my parents in a calm way. Ask them what they are afraid of...what are their objections to you waiting? Are they concerned bout how it looks...that your reputation will be marred? Are they concerned that you are having sex...that you will get pregnant...that your image will be hurt? If you can talk to them calmly and reassure them of their fears and concerns, perhaps they will listen to you. They are probably concerned about your well-being and how it looks for them. If you can reassure them that you are fine and reasonable and sensible and that their image will not be damaged. Reassure them that you can work together not against each other. No one wins in that case. I doubt they want to alienate you or force you to "run away" or do something crazy. Try talking to them and perhaps after you talk to them initially, have this young man talk to them with you. If you can both convince them that your heads are on straight, they may be more likely to support you in your goals. Good luck and write us back. GTKK