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Summary of Question:	Meri Kahani Di Gal Sun
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 7/17/2004 11:13 AM MDT

Khalsa Fateh I'm 24 years old from the UK, my situation in life is so messed and i'm so confused Bhaji. Eversince I was young my father had a drink problem. He would be a great dad but once he had one sip of alcohol he would go on a drinking binge that would last for weeks and weeks until he body would pack in from all the constant abuse it had taken. Then once he recovered he would go back to work as a taxi driver knee deep in debt trying to make things right. This vicious circle would go on for a further 19-20 years. In the meantime me and my mom would just suffer. I tend to keep my emotions in check but my mom just used to cry and cry, neither my dads side of the family or my moms didnt help and any how what could they have done right? So we were basically in it alone.

Now like I said my father after 19-20 years went into rehab and ceased to continue drinking, which was great news. I was never one who could study and pay attention so I didnt gain any qualifications neither at school or collage. My collage days were spent getting high with my mates on ganga, drinking, sessioning, doshing about, cheating on jatti's that cared for me eventually just letting go of them in such a audacious style that would leave them hurt and crying. My Dad finally straighted himself out and hence I started making mistakes. After collage I started working doing mostly manual labour work and finally you would'nt believe it I'm a taxi driver just like my dad I even work alongside him at same company. Yeah it eats me inside everyday thinking about how my life has shaped out to be and what I have become. I have no one to blame but myself, I should have applied myself more at school/collage, got a good job and alot of if's. My life is full of regrets, i've never been truly happy in life always been struggling. I think im only 24 what are the rest of the years going to hold? I feel like a budha i'm tired. But unfortuently it doesnt end here my dad has now started drinking gain and my mom has started crying again. There was one girl that I loved and she loved me but her dad being a respected community figure and me being a driver I just ceased contact with her hell she could even be engaged now. To be honest I dont care anymore may be im being punished for my past sins and this is all Waheguru Ji's will and you know what at first I used to question the things that were happening and argue/curse with Waheguru Ji but now I just dont care. At times whilst working I pick up alot of business passengers alot of them are proud and arrogant and it seems to me that they have good fortune I drop them outside their homes sorry I mean mansions and I doubt they ever prey, ever refrain from alcohol eating meat! I come to the conclusion that its Waheguru Ji's will he puts you exactly where he wants you to be this I have learnt from experience if you resist his will you shall only suffer. Now that I have finally come to this realisation amongst my father drinking, me being a taxi driver that the only true way to happiness is to Naam Jaap, Bhaji like an older brother could you give advice on how I can attract good fortune to myself so I can make things right again, eventually in time get a business, become a good husband, father etc, just anything that can help me put things right else if I keep following this same pattern which I have been doing so for 24 years im not going to make it and now im off to get my dad from my my bibi's house he's really drunk and chatting shit and I dont know how im going to get him into the car and back home. I live in hell straight up, but I got no quarrel with God if anyone can help me its him right? So tell me veera how can he help me this is what the website is all about right fixing up broken people from the darkness bringing into the light, I long to see light cos I been staring into the darkness for too long, hell the light would problably blind me.

Nanak Naam Chardi Kalla

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Sat Siri Akaal. You cannot change your father, but clearly his alcoholism has infected you, not in terms of drink but in terms of your view of life. Your situation is no surprise considering what you have lived with. WHy should you care about life and education and college when the role model of your father is the one it is?

I live in the USA, and the first thing we consider here is that staying in the same house with an alcoholic and transporting him in his drunkenness is "ENABLING". You are 24. A man now. Please seriously consider laying it on the line to him that you will NOT support his drinking or transport him when he's drunk. Tell the other relatives as well. You would not be out of line to kick him out of the house. Yes, I know how that sounds, but somehow, the situation needs a boot in the behind that will force a different perspective and an understanding of CONSEQUENCES.
OR, if it's at all possible, move yourself and your mother out to a friends or relative's and leave him be. You cannot make him stop, he has to WANT to stop drinking. Staying in that household is a co-dependency for you, since it's the excuse to say your life sucks. But that's the effect it's having, isn't it.

I'm not trying to blame you. We all have choices, and not choosing is a choice as well. If you are serious about turning your life around, conditions needs to change. I cannot fix your broken life, only Guru can, and you have to ask Guru what to do and show Guru you really want to change. I can give you different ways to look at at your life. It's up to you what you DO. I do know that Naam Jaap will help you if you work to create the discipline to do it daily (with your Mom). It will give you mental and spiritual strength and help you to know your next step should be.
Right now your status as a 'driver' is the least of it. You are working, don't stop. WOrk first on putting an end to the horror of your living environment. GET HELP. I highly recommend getting in touch (online) with Alcoholics Anonymous to learn about this disease (www.aa.org) and look up www.al-anon-alateen.org/ as well. BOth sites talk about alcoholism and things family members can (and cannot) do. Once your living environment changes, then you'll feel like you can start looking at what to do with your life. Guru ang sang,
-DKK