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Summary of Question:	Help!!! Please I Cannot Take It Anymore!
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 4/09/2004 3:36 PM MDT

ssa .. pleasen help me im am very desprate.. i am 14 yr old and live in n.y. over the past couple of years my parents have been fighting. Thinking it to be like any normal thing normal thing, i didnt take much concern. however this year my mother recieved a phone call about my father having a affiar. I came to learn that my mother suspected this for some time. i was always in support of my father never thinking anything like this possible... i continued to take his side. thinking of this i later remembered that my father had once called this woman on the phone in front of me (he was drunk at the time), i now realized that what ever the man had said also fitted in with what my father had done, there is no question that my father had a affair. we recieved this call about 3 months ago. just about every week from then, both my father and mother have been misrable. however when my father is upset he makes threats and claims he will commit suside, never admiting he is in a affiar. This has happened for about 7 times, NOW IT HAS HAPPENED AGAIN AND I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO... i have told them to take marrige councling classes but nither of them listen... should i just call a doctor etc. to make a date for such classes or should i just wait.

also my father tells me he is going to move away and askes me to join him.. i am scared that if this occurs and i decline that he will really do something wrong.

my father hardly goes to temple and prays . my mother prays but due to him not going because of transportation, my sister and i do not go to temple either. i am very scared and confused please give me advice.
ssa

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First of all, you are not responsible for your father's behavior. Secondly, don't take sides. It is between your parents. It is not your problem. If you made an appointment with a counselor for your parents would they go? Probably not. Ask them. You can't force them to go. You can try to make a bargin with your father. "I will live with you as long as you are seeing a counselor. If you do not I will not live with you. If you start and stop before healing has occurred, I will move out." You can create some boundaries with your parents. You can also be there for your sister. Reassure her that no matter what happens it's going to be OK. She needs you right now. Make an arrangement with a friend or another member of the temple to drive you, your sister and your mother to Temple. You need to be going. It will help you all feel better to be connecting to The Infinite, and the support of the sangat will be comforting as well. I hope this is helpful. let us know how it is going. GTKK