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Summary of Question:	Inter-Faith Marriage
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 7/04/2001 4:31 AM MDT

I was born into a Sikh family but we were not brought up particularly strictly in regards to religion, in fact, I spent my pre-University years in Catholic school. We were taught to respect our parents and good values, morals etc and to respect Sikhism but that was about it.

Now, in my late 20s, I have met a wonderful young man who is a professional like myself. My parents like and accept him and we plan to marry. But first we need to sort out how to have the ceremony. He is a practicing Christian and believes it is wrong for him to participate in a non-Christian ceremony. I would like to have a Sikh ceremony because I know it would make my parents happy and am also fine with having a Christian ceremony. My parents feel that if we cannot agree on representing both religions, then we should just have a civil ceremony.

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Sat Nam! Deciding about your marriage ceremony is just the beginning. I suggest that you sit down with your fiance and discuss your prospective life together. Religion is a factor. In order for the two of you to be happy and make your marriage work, you are going to have to compromise. Talk honestly together about how you are going to work out things like holidays, children, spiritual practices, etc. There has to be mutual respect for eachother's beliefs and practices. Either you will practice your spirituality separately, or you will create something together. Will the children go to gurdwara and church separately with each parent, or together with both parents, or will you not have religion in the home at all. It is most important that you discuss these things before you get married. It will be a good test of your communication skills together. How well can you discuss delicate and meaningful subjects together. This is what marriage is about. The dates and romance give way very fast to real life
situations. Don't make the mistake that so many people do...think that their love will carry them through everything. Discuss, discuss, discuss and try to work out some things now. These issues are not going to go away. Infact, you are just getting a taste of what's to come. May Guru guide you in consciousness and love. GTKK
I have been reading different things about Sikhism, one of which says that only people professing the Sikh faith can marry in a gurduwara. Yet I have attended several ceremonies involving intra-faith couples in a gurduwara.

On another note, my boyfriend respects our culture and faith but wishes to keep his own. He also has a hard time understanding the concept that for sikhs, religion and culture are one and the same thing. Isn't that the case?

Sorry for having to post this in a "youth" forum but I cannot seem to find any other good responsive sites for adults.

Many thanks in advance for your responsiveness.