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Summary of Question:	Response: To Marrying A Non-Sikh
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Friday, 1/31/2003 5:20 AM MST

Sat Sri Akaal my fellow Sikhs,

I am writing in response to the Sikh girl who has the dilemma of choosing her happiness or the will of her family. I was very taken by your story and would like to give you my feelings on the matter. You don't have to agree with me if you don't want to. I am a Gursikh and value my faith very much, indeed I am on my way to practise simran all day! Well this is my view. Your parents are being selfish because they think they will be losing you, you must counter this by telling them that they will not lose you. Argue that mixed marriages are common and accepted by many indian families. Love marriages are far better than arranged ones simply because you know each other better. Right, all religions seek one goal and that is the union of the soul with the Almighty, there are many paths (religions) to achieve this. Tell your parents this. Marriage is a joining of two souls in love. This is a means of letting you experience on earth what it would be like when you join with the Almighty (the ultimate marriage). For you to live in happiness your boyfriend MUST be religious. I cannot stress this more. He must have the same goals as you, i.e. to join with the Lord. I commend you on your sikhism. Many western Sikhs neglect their religion. Doing paath and simran is essential for God to show you His Grace and so save you from the cycle of rebirth. This is the purpose of life. If you can say to your parents that your boyfriend is religious or is willing to learn Sikhism or will allow your children to be Sikhs this would help. Basically, you must convince your parents about your way of thinking. Not talking about the issue when you are with them does not help, they are afraid of losing you and are hoping it will go away. Tell them arranged marriages can bring unhappiness and you would prefer not to take the risk. Tell them to think about your happiness and not just their own. Say you will still love them after you are married. Be assertive and determined. I hope this helps you. I will do paath for you to succeed. All the best. May God give you strength.
Sat Sri Akaal.
S. Dalip Singh.
(REPLY) Sat Nam. In most cases, I try to discourage people from marrying a person of a different religion, especially when it is obvious they are blinded by "being in love" -- which is usually infatuation, and is certainly not a basis for an enduring happy marriage, but this young lady has had a relationship for over 5 years with her fiance, and she already lives independently away from her family. I think it is wrong for her family to threaten her and try to place a burden of guilt on her for her family's future. So, this time, I say she needs to be true to herself, and with all due love and respect for her parents, try to make them understand. If they do not accept her decision, she needs to be prepared for the consequences of separation from them. Thanks to S. Dalip Singh for his comments. Blessings, SP