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Summary of Question:	Response To "Greedy Husband"
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 1/29/2003 8:28 AM MST

Dear Sister,

It has touched me deeply to hear your story. It is so sad that the marriage which should be a union based on love and trust is not that at all. I have heard many similar stories and I have read the replies posted by the other readers in response to your story.

I must admit that if I was in your situation I would be very frustrated also. It is a tough decision to make!

My only advice to you would be to leave your baby girl with your parents. Talk to your parents about what should be done. Then I suggest that you and your husband talk things through. Sometimes the involvement of parents might complicate things further.

What I don't understand is why you put up with this behaviour for so long? I think these things should have been cleared up within the first few months of your husband's arrival. And please don't think that I haven't been through similar financial situations, because I have. I got married 2 years ago, and my husband was an overseas student. However, he got is permanent residency based on his masters degree in IT, rather than our marriage. For the first 1 year and 2 months he was studying full time and I was supporting the household financially. Then in Feb last year, he started applying for jobs and was unemployed till June. Since June we have had 2 incomes in this house. This has enabled us to settle down and start thinking about the future. I admit that the first year was very difficult. But we have never treated the money as belonging to him or me. And now, when my husband's pay comes, he literally hands it all over to me, to manage the financial matters of the household.

So I suggest that you and your husband try to consolidate your differences. Mainly because you have a child to think about. And that child is very precious. You don't want that little baby girl to grow up without the love of either parent.

I understand that your husband has an Indian upbringing. But so does mine. My husband was 23 when he came here and he is an only child, so you can imagine the pampering he got. But he understood that when living on your own you have to look after yourself. And if he doesn't help me with the household chores, then who will? And your husband needs to understand that you both are a TEAM and not individual flat mates. You are married to spend the rest of your lives together... preferably happily!

You need to give your husband some ultimatums. He can't continue the way he is! It can be very difficult for a female, working full time, to look after a husband, a child and the household.

I do wish you all the best...
Rab Rakha...
(REPLY) Sat Nam. Thank you for offering such wise guidance. Blessings. SP