Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	I Like A Girl Who Doesnt Know I Like Her-Shud I Tell Her?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 4/08/2004 3:50 PM MDT

Hi, I am an 18 year old male and am writing to request advice in a dilema I have. I like to follow some of sikhism's teaching; however I am not an amritdhari sikh.

I've fallen in love with a 17 yr girl (rest assured this has been due to a combination of her looks, personality and attitude). However I understand (indirectly) that she is not interested in any kind of relationship with boys and does not like young girls who go out with boys. The fact that she is feels this way makes me like her even more since it proves she is very sensible and religious.

I understand this situation is very hypocritical (in that it seems I would like to go out with her because she isn't like young girls who go out with boys... :S)

However I don't want to corrupt her or anything since she is such a nice girl and so far have tended to just be 'nice' and bide my time until i can find a way to destroy this feeling of love. I have tried various techniques from a number of sources-(some from this site)-i have tried seperating myself from her (in the hope that time will heal and eliminate this feeling befoe I can see her again)-but although i may be determined not to see her in the morning, by the afternoon i always end up walking down the route she walks home in the hope of bumping into her and chatting. I have tried doing simran in the morning, but as before-although at best i may be ok for the morning,-by afternoon i am reduced to the same state. I have tried 'sweating' the feeling out as suggested in other replies on this forum(ie by doing exercises as a distraction and thus work up a sweat)-but this too has failed.

I have been in a effort to destroy the feeling, however non of the above have worked. although she doesnt like such relationships (from what I understand), I find myself continuing to pursue this matter. but i don't want to corrupt or hurt her. It must be pointed out that she is totally innocent of this and does not know that I feel this way about her.

I must offer my humblest apologises to clutter your forum with such a mundame problem compared with those of such importance covered here, however this for my is quite a delima and I equire urgent advice and assistance, if not on what to do, then on how to surpress these feelings. I would like to follow the guidelines of sikhism in my pursuit of the solution to this problem.

Thank you

Mr singh

----

No, I would not tell her. That would be asking for defeat. Meet her on her level...as a friend. If there is an organization or event that she is involved in, join in. Get to know her as a friend. Be true to yourself. Allow her to get to know you indirectly. If you are direct and let her know how you feel, you will close the door with this girl. You have to show constraint, patience and diligence. Develop yourself, grow, become the kind of young man who can attract her. When the time is right to reveal yourself, you will know. Blessings. GTKK