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Summary of Question:	Multicultural Marriage
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Friday, 2/08/2002 5:15 AM MST

Sat Sri Akal Jii!

Mera nam Dinii and I´m from Germany. About 2 and a half years ago I got to know a Sikh boy. Now we are sure that we want to stay together our whole live long. The parents do agree and nearly everything is fine. I also collected few informations about Sikhism. I also go to the Gurdwara every Sunday and try to learn as much as possible to make our partnership a happy and sucessful one. But I am still somehow unsure. Not about the boy and the marriage. But about my role. How does a woman should treat her husband, what forms of comunication and respect are common, what is a Sikh-Wife allowed to do and what not. Please give me some answers.

Thank U very much
Merhabani Hai
(REPLY) You need to ask your future husband this question! Find out now what he expects from you as his wife, and find out what his parents will expect, otherwise, you might find yourself in a difficult situation. As far as from a Sikh - religious and spiritual perspective -- a marriage is a partnership in which there is mutual love and respect. Culturally, there are certain traditions that some people cling to, and some of them are lovely, and some are not. In what I have heard of the cultural tradition among Punjabis, the wife lives with the husband's family, and many times has not been treated well, and in fact on this site I have read postings from women whose in-laws abuse them, and the husband doesn't defend her. Hopefully, your future husband and his family are not like that. But try to find out before you marry just what your future husband expects from you. One little thing I recall hearing about is that the wife doesn't call the husband by his first name. Ideally, a Sikh wife maintains her sadhana (daily spiritual practice) the reading of the banis, going to the Gurdwara, doing seva, and supports her husband in his spiritual commitment in all ways. Each partner is to honor the other, and certainly never flirt with or relate to any other person of the opposite sex as anything but a brother, sister, father, mother or son or daughter. I am sorry to say that I have heard that many Indian women are still being treated like slaves -- and you want to make sure that does not happen to you. Blessings, Sp