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| Summary of Question: | Help And Encouragement Required... |
| Category: | Love & Marriage |
| Date Posted: | Sunday, 7/22/2001 4:04 PM MDT |
I have been seeing my boyfriend of 7 months and we are very happy together and support and care for each other very much...thing is his parents found out about me..and all discussions came to heated debate regarding our one small minded affair regarding something irrelevent as caste..!!
Okay u may have guessed that my boyfriend and myself are NOT practising Sikhs...BUT are also pleased that we do not believe in the caste system either..
The problem occurs with his parents...they have said that they will disown him if he so much as decides to get married to me...they wont have anything to do with us..! Other than that they dont mind us being friends cos im a "good girl" and would be right for their ownly son who hasnt any other bros and sisters BUT isnt cos of caste...!
The dilema being for him that I for one have called him a hypocrite if he starts believin in the nonsense theyre chattin bout Caste or does he let his parents disown him and live his life with me? I want and know i can make him happy and am tryin to so hard to make him believe that I AM right in all this and that we will get throught this together..
Please help...I dont know what to do...
Gurvinder
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REPLY
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Sat Siri Akaal Dear One:
I cannot answer your question. You have laid out the dilemma yourself. Caste is irrelevant. As Sikhs we believe this, and clearly you believe it, practicing Sikh or not. You can either go elope or or obey the parents. I might add that your boyfriend has been given a choice that stinks. I'm sure he wants both his parents, and you. Do not force him to be disowned! Maybe you can find someone Indian/Punjabi in the community who also believes caste is irrelevant who can talk with them. If HIS parents are practicing Sikhs then there is no argument that this business of caste is irrelevant, and I hope you can find someone of their generation who observes this irrlevance, so to speak, who is willing to get involved and say something to talk them out of it. Understand that his parents are concerned with 'how it looks' to THEIR parents and siblings and extended family.
I know that in India it is VERY VERY hard to avoid caste observance, but I personally do not understand what difference it makes for Indians living outside of India, which sounds like the case for you....? Do not misunderstand me, Sikhi teaches that caste is irrelevant regardless. Maybe his folks just need some time to get their minds around it, because this caste thinking is INGRAINED in people who were raised in India.
I have no magic pill or solution for you. If you succeed in marrying this man with his parents approval, please let this Forum know how you did it!
Guru bless you always,
-DKK
Help And Encouragement Required... (07/22/2001)