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Summary of Question:	Friends Or Not?
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 1/16/2006 12:02 PM MST

Satnam Wahaguru,

I am 17 years old and I had a relationship with this guy who is three years older than me. I really liked him and he said he liked me. I told him that I dont think we are doing the right thing because i am going against my parents and so we decided to be just friends. He tells me to call him and I still do. But im confused if i should be friends with him or not. I still love him adn he kind of knows that. he flirts with other girls and when some guy tries to flirt with me he gets angry. on the phone he has mood swings. one day he is really nice and sweet and the other day he is mean. Sometimes he tells me he likes some other girl and i get mad at him and he tells me why are you mad, we are just friends. when I dont call him he tells me to call him becasue he wants to talk to me. i dont know what he wants. most of the time i dont know what to say to him becasue we dont have anything to talk about.
the problem is that i think he is taking advantage of the fact that i really care about him and love him. if i get mad at him and say i wont call him, he knows i will call back becasue i care aobut him. he knows if i get mad at him, i will start talking after a while. he takes advantage of that. what really hurts me is when at work he infront of everyone call me stupid. he says you are really messed up and stupid. that really hurts. adn i tell him that and i tell him i wont talk to him if he calls me names. he doesnt care because he knows i will talk to him. what should i do? he made me promise him that i will always call him and be his friends. please i need someone's help. thanks

(REPLY) Sat Nam. At 17, it is understandable that you are on this emotional roller coaster, but honestly, where is your self-esteem? How can you "Love" someone who insults you and is mean to you? How can you keep running back like a puppy dog that he can kick around? What kind of a woman are you going to be? What kind of a Sikh woman who would allow a man -- any man -- to insult her and still speak with him? Forget your "promise" to be friends. Friends do not mistreat friends. Have some courage, and realize that you have a whole life ahead of you to enjoy, to excel, and to be someone who commands and demands respect from everyone. But that has to start with your knowing that God lives and breathes in you, and you are here on Earth PRIMARILY for the opportunity to experience that divinity within you. You need to learn more about the power of a woman. I suggest you go to the 3HO website and find the link to events, and find out about the Women's Camp. And/or get the Women's Manual from Ancient Healing Ways (www.a-healing.com ) Read the SoPUrkh section of Rehiras 11 times a day -- that is what Guru gave to women to empower them in dealing with me. Meanwhile, concentrate on your studies, and develop some real friends -- stay away from men for a while until you have some maturity. This may seem harsh advice, but I am really concerned about your wasting your time and your life on this man who is exploiting your feelings. Get over it! May God bless you and Guru give you wisdom and courage. SP