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Summary of Question:	Should I Let Go?
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Monday, 8/12/2002 1:23 PM MDT

I have never asked someone other than my innerself to ask for help. I'm not sure if i'm asking for help or advise. I have been with my partner for almost a year and a half and the time we spent together was great even though we've always had to deal with problems. These problems from the past have grown to such an extent that at this moment its unbearable. We're constantly getting into fights and arguements because he is not ready to listen to anyone. He expects me to help and support him but when i try to he pushes me away. Since i met him, he has changed tremendously and become very selfish in his own ways. I on the other hand being a libra, like to talk things out to controll the situation and see both sides to come fair with everything. Him being a pisces, he is not only sensitive and emotional, he also doesnt have the strength to fight with his emotional-self. How can i help him? I want to be there for him but i cant stand to see him drink and lose himself. I constantly think of letting go but i dont know if that would be the right thing for me to do as i might hurt him. i am so confused. Ever since i met him last, i have been doing japji sahib every morning so that i can pray for his well-being and ask God to give him strength which he certainly needs right now. We've have broken up many times and got back because we know that we cant stand being apart. But when it comes to certain things i dont know if we really are meant to be. Is God really giving me a sign to move on and let go of everything? How can i bring peace to my inner self and my mind? I want to be free of problems and only want the best for my mate. If i let go i hurt myself and i hurt him. But i love him too much to do that. Please HELP ME and guide me in the proper direction.

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Sat Siri Akal.

You wrote that you can't stand to see him drink and loose himself. Does he have a drinking problem? This is really important because if he does have a drinking problem, there's nothing you can do. He isn't in a place to work on a relationship or mature in a way that will allow you to solve the issues in the relationship. People who have drinking problems or drug probelms - they aren't whole people. They are missing parts of themselves and the pain of that causes them to turn to drugs and alcohol. In that situation, lovers or spouses take on the role of the "missing parts" - and that leads to a dependency that is very unhealthy, and too easily confused with love.

Praying is good, but I also recommend that you do something to help yourself - there's a 12 Step Group for those in relationship with people who have drug and alcohol problems. It's called Codependents Annonymous. You may consider checking it out. You might also think about seeing a counselor and understaning the true dynamics behind this relationship and what the best next steps are for you to take. Love was never meant to be a bond that keeps us in ungraceful environments or situations of constant pain. And you may need to do some work on yourself before you can come to a clear decision about what to do with the relationship - a decision that allows you to move forward in one direction or another in a way that honors your highest consciousness.

God bless.

All love.

GPK