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Summary of Question:	Re: Placing My Crown On My Head Again...
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 1/22/2003 5:27 AM MST

Satsriakhal, I fully understand what you are going through. I was five years old when under the influence of a family member who I still hate to date, I had my beautiful long kesh cut.

Throughout my childhood and teen years I have been depressed. Only in my late teens did I decide to get medical treatment. When I was 20 years old I began to grow my hair. For about three years I used to get the ends trimmed to make it grow quicker. I also stopped shaving but I used to trim my beard.

However I always prayed for strength and courage to become a Keshdhari sikh.

At the age of 23 I stopped trimming my hair and kesh. I used to tie my hair back and cover my head with a black bandona.

Secretly I used to practice how to tie a turban, and then I started wearing a turban to the Gurudwara. I used to feel so special in the Gurus prescence that when I used to come back home I did not want to untie my turban.

So then I decided to wear my turban daily. After showering in the mornings, I used to and still do, daily apply oil to my kesh and beard. I then set my beard and tie my turban daily. My hair has grown considerably now that I daily oil it, than it ever it when I used to trim it.

The strength and courage was a blessing by Guru-ji. Without it I would not have been able to become a Keshdhari Sikh.

I am now 25 years old. I hold a Batchelors and a Masters Degree. all atainned during my 'transition phase'. When I look at old photographs I am surprised at the transformation.

The path was never nor is easy, since I live in a 'white' environment. On a daily basis I got called and still do get called:
- Paki
- Afghan
- Hairy gorrilla
- Monkey face (because I have a full thick heavy beard growth, my beard covers all my face up to my higher cheek bones)
- Bin laden
- F*****g foreigner
- Black hairy B*****d.

The list is endless....

But I am truly happy that I am a distinguishable Sikh.
If you have the support of your family then it is easier.

I only had the support of my parents and my sister, which I am grateful for. The rest of my family and relatives used to and still do think and say out aloud that I am a subject worthy of ridicule and nothing else, because I look like a fanatic.

But it doesnt bother me, I have found God, and accepted who I am, and have accepted the true identity that God has given me.

I hope you find the strength and courage to become a Keshdhari Sikh again, and embrace your true identity.

I hope my reply has given you some motivation that it can be done!

May God Bless you...

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Thank you so much for writing this and sharing your experience of transition. I'm sure it will help many who are questioning their identity and going through much of what you did. I am inspired by your courage and conviction to live your ideals; I'm sure others will be uplifted as well. God and Guru have blessed you. GTKK