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Summary of Question:	Long Lasting Relationship
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Saturday, 4/07/2007 4:00 PM MDT

Hi, I have read through the other posts that people have asked about marriage and love and marriages with people outside the culture. In the end I guess the answer to all of them are the same, but I need help in telling my parents about the girl that i love. I met her almost 2 years ago and I was not out to find someone for me to go against my parents or what not, but this is something that just happened. I met her and we started going out and we fell in love. When i met, it just seemed right. Before I had met her, I did not really believe in a higher power or anything like that and I was a sikh, but a little before i met her, like about half a year or so before i met her, something inside me just told me that i shouldnt worry about stuff and that everything happens for a reason. from that point on i lived my life like that. what we want in life we cant always have, but there is a reason behind everything. then i met my girlfriend and after about a month with her i started going to church with her (she is christian). about another month after that or so, i was lead to accepting Christ. Now you may think that i did this for her or something like that, but to me a lot of that went on during that year made sense to me and it made even more sense when i went to church with her. now i have met her parents and go to their house almost every sunday, but my parents dont really know about her. i wish to tell them, but i find it difficult to do so because i know they will not tolerate it. i do love my gf and she loves me and i know you will say that love is blind and that there are others out there as well. but i didnt plan for this happen like this. it wasnt in my plan to meet someone at school. it was in a higher plan for me and for her as well. i live in a different state from where they live and i didnt choose to live in a different state, it is something that just happened, not bc of my gf, but bc my job is here and i have my own goals that i want to achieve, not the goals that my parents want for me, but they dont ever understand that. i plan on taking my gf to a gurdwara soon and show her what its like and i wish to tell my parents this as well. i would like to know what the best course of action to take is with telling my parents, even though i know they wont be happy. i also dont want my actions affecting my younger brother or sister. this has nothing to do with them and it has nothing to do with me being against my family. i hope this is not confusing to you and i would just like some advice as to how i should handle this. and btw i am 23 yrs old and i know that she is right for me. i know we may have our arguements over small things which are really stupid in hindsight, but who doesnt? to me a perfect marriage is the one that is fake. at least i know that she is always there when we argue over stuff and she still loves me whether i am wrong or whether she is wrong. i also dont want u to be under the impression that i plan on rushing things with her. love takes time and i know the longer i am with her before marriage, the better off we will be hopefully. and i live by myself, however she lives with her parents and she isnt much younger than i. so that is the background info. hope you can help me explain this to my parents in a better way than i have here. thanks!

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reply
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Dear one,
There is no garantee in life on love and marriage.
You are young in experience and what seems so possible and wonderful now may turn out to be very different later on in life. Your passion for this relationship has taken you a long way away from your family.

I would heartily suggest that you find a family friend that you can talk to that can be an intermediary for you with bringing your family up to date with your life. Accepting your girlfriend and your desired marriage is something that you might have shared with your family all along as you developed your interest in her. The fact that you have gone so far into this relationship and her religion indicates that you have been operating in a fog. The fog is like a dream world where you have become some one else.

So, please get real, and talk to your auntie, family friend and ask for some help so you can come back to your family. In life is it always best to have the support of your family. Try to win back your family and teach your girlfriend about Shabd and Sikhee right away. Perhaps you can still have the best of both worlds.

Blessings,
SKKK
PS: do play her the cd's of snatam and satkirin so she can experience contemporary western style Gurbani that is easy to understand.