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Summary of Question:	What Should We Do On A Sitiuation Like This?
Category:	Other
Date Posted:	Friday, 2/14/2003 8:24 AM MST

Hi,

I'm 20 years old and I got married last year against my parents will and now deep down i regret it. My husband is very nice and he loves me very much i knew him for four year before i married him but my parents didn't like him because he is from a different cast.i didnt think there's anything wrong with that. since we got married our parents never get together and my older brother didnt even come to my wedding and he still dont talk to my husband and I. on my husband's side of the family eveyone likes me except for his parents espcially his mom she's very annoying and cheap. She's always blaming things on me and saying stuff to me. she became gursikh couple of months ago and she doesn't even follow the rules of sikhism and that makes me angry too. i dont know what to do about her if i treat her the same way she treats me i would lose that respect for her and i'm scared things would never be normalagain. i want to fight her and stand up to myself i can't live like this anymore. i tried talking to my husband about this but he cant say anything to her and when my husband comes home from work she changes her attitude. i hate her two personalties. if can you give me any advise that would make me feel much better. thank you

(REPLY)

Sat Nam. You are in a difficult situation, and it is unfortunate that your husband will not support you and believe you. However, this being the case, I think the best you can do is treat your mother-in-law so nicely, so kindly, so lovingly that she will simply not know what to do! Being angry at her will not help. sometimes being really nice to someone who is being mean to us, makes them change their behaviior. But even if it doesn't, you at least will be living and behaving gracefully, and you'll feel better, really. I would also take time every day to use positive affirmations, silently blessing her for her kindness, and sweet behavior! I know that's not what's happening, but try creating that in your mind. Do not underestimate the power of your thoughts and prayers, and by all means do some extra paath, or singing of shabds with the intention to bring harmony and peace into your family. Never mind if she is not a "good" Sikh, that is her problem, not yours. Focus on being as graceful and saintly as you yourself can possibly be, and see what happens. And don't complain to your husband about his mother. Try this for 40 days, and see what happens. Write and let us know! Blessings, SP