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Summary of Question:	Arranged Marriage????
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Sunday, 6/24/2001 8:03 PM MDT

I will begin by saying I am not a Sikh. My boyfriend is.

I am an American and very much in love.
We had the perfect relationship until he went to India about a month ago.
Since he returned he has been "different".
He won't talk about his trip to me at all. He has only said that he went to the Temple in Amritsar & had the honor of talking to the "priests" there.
He said that he has to pray a lot now & cannot kiss me or tell me he loves me or show any kind of intimacy. He has slipped a couple of times & kissed me. I asked if he has an "arranged marriage" planned & he says "no". However.....
we have the keys to eachother's apartments & I went over to leave him a present today. When I got there there was a picture frame/photo album on his bed. The first picture was of him and another woman...I thought it might be his sister so I looked inside. I saw pictures of him & this girl...then pictures of Amritsar....then pictures of him in very "ceremonial" clothing....and pictures of them w/a sign behind them that read "TODAY'S EVENT...RING CEREMONY & his name & her name (which wasn't his sister's name)" then there were pictures of them feeding eachother cake like at a wedding......There was also a framed picture of the two of them in his living room & one on the nightstand by his bed. He has been wearing a new gold ring on his finger but not his ring finger....however I came home & noticed in a picture of him he sent me in an e-mail that it was on a different finger than the one he wears it on.
I am terrified....I love this man more than anything in the world...he is my life. Is what I found evidence of him having a bride?????????

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REPLY
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Dear Sarah:

The answer to your question is Yes. From what you have described, he is in great duality. While he was away it appears as if his and the woman's family arranged a marriage. The pressure to marry Sikh and Indian is VERY great among many Sikh/Punjabi families in the West. He appears to love you dearly but feels he must abide by the decisions made for him and by him. It is sad that he does not tell you the truth openly; it seems he left the pictures out for you to find.

The best thing for you to do is give him back the key to his apartment, and change the locks on yours, and grieve and move on. He cannot fight his family on this; if he thought he could he would have already. I'm so sorry for your heart, but you must let him go, since the last thing you need to be in any man's life is "the other woman."

God bless you, dear, that your heart be healed.

-DKK