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Summary of Question:	I Dont Feel Like Living Anymore
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Thursday, 5/01/2008 2:24 PM MDT

Sat sri akal ji

I have been into a relationship for 5 years now, it is a long distance relationship as he doesnt live in my country. we have decided that i will move to his country after marriage. But now things are not going well between us .... he is busy in his life and work ..i dont feel connected to him anymore, rather everything he says makes me feel that he is turning into a self centred man ... i cannot think of marrying anyone else ...then it juss scares me to think that if i dont marry him or even if i do get married to him i will never get love in my life...he used to be my best friend and i know him since 6 years now...but now it feels as if he is a complete stranger to me...i dont feel desperation to call him anymore ....his attitude towards me is changing according to me..he used to be very caring and possesive person but now he says that he is more mature man and only thing he talks about is which career will end up in more income and status, where as i am more emotional person..status and money is not everything for me ..i juss want some love in my life. his family judges me of my capabilities only bcoz i am not a doctor but a master degree holder, they prefer a doctor for their MBA son ...all this makes me feel that i will not be able to live happily there .....as he wants me to be best and nothing else and so does his family , but i dont want to run in da race of competition. he does not listen to me anymore, he does not call me, he does not reply to my mails, i can never explain him how i feel from his attitude. i dont know how to make him understand that degree or status is not all that one needs in happy marriage but he wants to show off people that his wife is super smart and working and best..but i am not, i dont know what to say to him when he talks like that to me ...i am scared of saying him all this coz i feel then he might misinterpret me and call off our relationship...i know he loves me but i dont feel the connection between us anymore....we r getting married next year....but i dont think i will stay happy with him and his family coz everyone there is a doctor and they want their daughterin law to be doctor too, when i am not...they want me to still try to get into med school...but i am scared that if i wont get into med school, and still get married to him then they might treat me as dumb person or some one not upto their status....i really dont understand what to do....i feel like not living anymore.....life is been so hard till now and i thought i might get happier days when i will have love of my life with me but again things have started to change..i do benti chaupayi and anand sahib path every day..... for a while im in peace but then again i dont have any desire to live any more...i dont want to be ignored ...i want love and peace in my life....i cant take this anymore....

(REPLY) Sat Nam. I understand how unhappy you feel now, and I'm so sorry. I am just concerned that if you marry this man, your will be even MORE unhappy! He obviously does not share your values, and he seems to have withdrawn from the kind of relationship and communication you used to have. you say he "loves" you -- but I don't believe he does, or he would not be behaving this way. I realize that you have put your hopes and dreams and wishes for more than 6 years into believing in future as his wife, but it's obvious he is not the same person as he used to be, and I'm sorry to say that it's better you find out now, instead of going ahead with a marriage to someone who doesn't love you -- but loves the idea of what he thinks you should be! This whole worship of professional status is frankly disgusting to me! You are obviously an intelligent person, but that doesn't seem to matter to him. Don't get yourself trapped into this marriage, because you're afraid of remaining single! Remember there are other men in the world. You might check out the Matrimonial section on this SikhNet website. You don't mention anything about your own family, what do they think of this situation? And, as for Paath, remember Shabd Hazaray, as well as Jaap Sahib. Reciting all five of the Banis is highly recommended as the ideal. Read about them on SikhNet. You deserve to be happy in this life -- so don't get yourself into a situation that is going to make you feel inferior and miserable! I think you should speak plainly to this man, and see if there is any hope for him to change his attitude, otherwise, well, you know what I think! Don't underestimate your power as a woman! God bless you and Guru give you courage and determination. SP