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Summary of Question:caste
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Friday, 8/27/1999 10:33 AM MDT

Waheguru ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh...

Okay, now i'm sure this question may seem a bit rudundant, but i need to ask. Its about caste and marriage. I am having a.....well....a situation you could call it where my parents will not agree to a marriage because my boyfriend is not of my caste. I KNOW this is WRONG and is unexceptable in the Sikh Faith, all our guru's prohibited the caste system. But my parents, my parents are strict and will not waver on this subject, yet they are both amritdhari. My question is how am i supposed to make them go beyond that point and know him for who he really is, a wonderful gursikh man. I wish that i didnt have to say this but i've lost much respect for my parents.....they raised me well, no caste system, believe in Sikhism....the whole 9 yards...but they are hypocritical when it comes to situations like this. I am awaiting a reply....
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.....

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Reply
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Wahe Guru ji ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru ji ki fateh.
Ultimately, one must decide whether the compass and rudder by which our life is guided, whether those things are in the hands of our parents (or some other authority), or if our spiritual compass and rudder is in our own heart. Guru taught us that there is no priest, no king and no other authority between ourselves and Guru (and God). Are you willing to live by that?

All conventional, social forces mistrust individual choice and responsibility. When Guru Nanak said, <Jau to prem kalen ka chou, sirda tali kalih muri-ou...>, he said <If you want to play the game of love with me, your Guru; then surrender your head and walk on my street. Pay no more attention to public opinion,...>.

Inevitably, conflict will arise between the opinions of others and what is right before the Guru. In your case, it has risen between you and your parents. This conflicting, painful choice situation is similar to the knife which cuts our umbilical cord when we are born. Either you will be a good, obedient daughter and place the ultimate choices in your parents hands, or you will become grounded and steadfast before the Guru, and qualified to accept only the Guru as having the power of veto in your life. Unfortunately, life seems to bring us inevitably to these positions of paradox, which demand that we elevate to maturity and a higher sense of self-responsibility. Or, we revert to less maturity, and dependency. Sorry if your dreams are at stake. Which way do you think the Guru wants you to go? Are you ready to pay the price to be His Sikh? <Parent> means <pay-rent>. Perhaps, if you are really good and obedient, someone else will pay your rent forever. Perhaps not. And perhaps it would be better to

be Guru's slave, in a rustic cabin or tent, rather than to be the obedient slave of a human benefactor, living in a castle.

This dilemma is the kind of razor's edge that maturity and adulthood is generally built upon. Your childhood dependency is over. This is your wake-up call. Perhaps your parents are still wiser than you. Either way the decision is yours to agree, or disagree and act accordingly. Either way, love your parents for who they are and what they have given you, respect them, mature yourself, and find the path of a responsible adult. Don't re-act, act in faith before the Guru and allow Guru to uphold you in your grace.

Blessings to you, may Guru guide and protect your every step,
Krishna Singh Khalsa



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