Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	What Kind Of Son Am I?
Category:	Hair
Date Posted:	Thursday, 2/15/2007 3:15 PM MST

I am very close to my parents. I am the eldest child and their only son, and throughout all their troubles with each other and with external problems, I have been with them. I am 20 years old now, and go to college quite far from home.

Both born in India, my Mom grew up there while my Dad spent most of his youth in England. Sikhi is very close to their hearts. They are both very religious and it runs in the family. My Dad's parent's are incredibly devout...especially his mother. My mothers' parents are also devout.

In essence, Sikhi runs strong in the family, except with me. I used to be very devout when I was younger, contributing to my gurdwara in many ways. I was almost the poster-child for Sikhism.

Then as I grew older, I became disenchanted with the idea of religion, and moreover, hated the idea of growing a beard. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror, and had little motivation to continue feeling depressed. So I began cutting my beard when I was about 16.

At first it was small snips, and I clearly had a long, gelled beard. But once my parents caught on, they would stare at my face all the time...I would catch them looking for hairs when I turned my head. Our relationship became awkward...it started to shatter. They told me I was hurting them and I told them that I needed some understanding...that I was questioning and it was normal. But understanding I did not recieve, and eventually I started cutting my beard fully.

Now I am still close to my parents and my family. I help them solve problems, we share good moments. But the beard issue has created, and continues to create, a rift that is at time unbearable. Though I am working on it, many times I don't feel loved or trusted, despite my efforts to be close to the family, simply because I cut my beard. I wear my turban and am proud of it, and one day hope to grow my beard properly, but for now it is not something I want to do, or can stand to do.

So I ask you not am I a bad Sikh. Only God can judge that. But am I a bad son? Am I in the wrong?

(REPLY) Sat Nam. No one can answer these questions for you. Keeping the beard that God has given you is, as you have noted, strictly between you and God and Guru. You know how your parents feel. How you feel about all of this - the guilt you feel is your own responsibility.I hope you figure it out soon. Blessings, SP