Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	I Think I Hav A Disorder..Plzz Help Its Hurting Me
Category:	Health
Date Posted:	Saturday, 4/22/2006 4:24 AM MDT

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

I
i know that ppl a fickle mind is everybody's trouble but what i siuffer from is very deep so much so that i
feel i m crazy and that i seriously beleive its a disorder.


lemme tellu you how it goes:
i m 20 years old now..............
belonging to a sikh family in india.

when i was in school,i was into the usual crap that a teenager indulges in(relating to kaam mainly and at
times fights and all) for 6 years i had no guilt and lived normally..........i was completely detatched with my
faith even though i did things for ritual sake. i was very much enticed and involved in kaam.


but a year or so back i started realizing what i had been upto and had a very strong sense of remorse when i
read indepth about sikhi and our aims in life and what we need to achieve...

i gradually started losing interest in the kaamic activities and practised restrain.........and gradually my
inclination towards ma faith began to grew.......

now i m very focussed bout ma aim in life that is to be a gursikh and become amritdhari . i remind myself of
that everyday and night and waheguru ji has been really kind on me.
moreover i hav started readin gurbani more frequently(still a lot to be done in this respect)...........
even ma indulgence in any of the previously done things is far too less than before mainly because i hav
started readin gurbani more often(after readin on sikhnet........and other sources i realized that gurbani is
the only way out of mess).

beleive me i hav my faith strengthend more than before.


now that was the goody-goody part as usual..........now comes the part that is pathetic and even i wonder why
is it not fading away.

as i mentioned i was really deep in crap(read above for the exact mention of the kind of crap).........i
started having sum really horrible thoughts........

lemme tellu i dunno think all this .in ma conscious self i am very certain about what i hav to do.........

but in sum dark corner of ma mind a thought is formed by mixing the crap there,ma frenz ,ma family and any XYZ
person around resulting in sum very weird and most pathetic thought .

i cant give u too detailed examples ....
but sum i will mention:

1.i m just drivin and see anyone walkin around the road a thought of that person being nude and me just slaugtering him/her with a sword

2.this is just one of the million things that ma pathetic mind comes up with( i dunno know why)

3. i cant mention them coz there are million of things that just crop up from nowhere…….i just feel this is what being crazy is like

its lik ma mind looks for a target it can be anyone around......nebody ma frenz,family and any general person
around.

ma conscious self tries to stop it i try to focus on waheguru ji...........
on good days i can help it and i read gurbani and i feel very good and calm.

but on bad days it is overwhelming......and a tussle follows between these thoughts and my conscious self
i lose control of what i say and do.........
under this state ...........ma brain is seized
1.i often start abusing for no reason
2. i hav even said once that singhs are useless and cursed them
3.i shriek and just jump around trying desperately to stop the thought from emanating


i hav stopped socializing,going to gurdwara,even started missing classes in college.
Nobody knows of this except one good friend of mine

Singh ji,These things hurt me coz i in noway think them but they still cum from sumwhere within a fraction of second. i then curse myself and hav often cried lik a child, asking forgiveness

it seems at times that i will die a non-amritdhari and its impossible for me to achieve that state which is my ultimate aim

help me plzzzzzzzzzz

i know the solution lies in gurbani and meditation but when these thoughts strike i cant do anything.

This state doesnot last for too long but is very destructive in a moment it can destroy my concentration and gets triggered anytime anywhere .there is no reason ,no sense,no time
But just that under this horrible things cum to mind about anybody around that time (anybody)………………it started 3 years back but then it was very rare and negligible but is getting more persistent

The weird thing though is that at the same time I m doing more path to counter this….

This is a bit too long but I hope u reply so we can talk as this is too littlt a problem to end in one letter.

Fateh ji


**********
reply
***********
Sat nam. Please see a doctor and find a counselor. You might have attention deficit disorder, you might just need guidance. You could have a hormonal imbalance that is making it hard to concentrate. Sikhnet cannot diagnose.
So get help. There is no shame in seeking medical or psychological help.
I would also recommend that you try to spend at least 1 week at Darbar Sahib; the nivas there are not so expensive. Sip and dip everyday, and stay in the Guru's court listening to gurbani for at least several hours each day. Do some seva if you can, and certainly pray and meditate. I can attest to the healing powers of Darbar Sahib. Guru ang sang,
-DKK