Previous

Next

Ask a Question

Summary of Question:	my bad days with hair
Category:	Hair
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 5/18/1999 12:35 PM MDT

hello sir i dont know who is going to answer my q but still i will ask.

i am 20 years old boy from punjab(india). i am in BA III.And i am computer
student.My father and Mother are Amrit dharis and we have (Parkash Of GURU
GRANT SAHIB) at our home .Still after these sort of conditions i am not in
a peace and i am facing major problem with my hair.In my college we have
group of 11 friends who are studing together from last 5 years and when we
all took admision in 10+1 we all are sikhs and having hair and beards(those
who have at that time). But know in this small period of 5 years only i am
left who have hair all 10 have cuted there hair and know they are cleanshaved
only in our group i have hair and beard. And they all tease me a lot which is
some time untolerable for me but i am still a sikh because of my background and for my parents just for my parents.And know i also starting realise that i face many problems due to my hair and my turban i cant reach in time any where because of turban first and of my beard is so long that i cant ride on motercycle as others can easily enjoy there ride .And the major thing is that i am very popular in my computer center due to my scence of humour i impressed many girls but when i proposed them for friend ship (sikh girls) they refused me because i have hair on my face.so i feel very depressed that time and know i start currling my beard but this does not work still the problem is same and i am very depressed due to this and u are the only person and last person whome i am telling my problem and know i am deciding to cut my beard in coming days i know this will hurt my parents but i am totally depressed i want to join the society and my friends who love me a lot but hate me because of my beard i know after do


ing all this my home situation gets worst but i will fullfil my desires
ok bye hope u will answer me
bye
(slowly weeping ....................)
(i am about to murder my hair but there is no way instead of this )
(weeping realy i dont want to do it but i know this has to be done )
weeping...................ok

*******
Reply
*******
Sat Nam, ji. I'm sorry to hear about the pain of your experience, and there are millions of Sikhs, and of course, the Guru himself, who extend the utmost compassion and support for you in your situation. I'm sure you understand the Guru's position on your difficulty about keeping your hair. Obviously, as you know, the Guru would say, "Don't cut your hair." But I'm going to suggest that the actual, underlying problem here is not so much about hair but about dealing with the negative opinions of others. And on this point, read what He has to say:

<This is how I have joined my mind to the Lord.
Attachment, sorrow, disease and <public opinion> do not affect me,
and so, I enjoy the subtle essence of the Lord, Har, Har, Har.>

Again, Guru says about the opinions of others:
<Abandoning egotism, I have become detached.
And now, I absorb true intuitive understanding.
The mind is pleased and appeased by the Pure, Immaculate Lord;
the <opinions of other people> are irrelevant.
There is no other like You, in the past or in the future,
O my Beloved, my Breath of Life, my Support.>

And again, He says:
<If you desire to play this game of love with Me,
then step onto My Path with your head in hand.
When you place your feet on this Path,give Me your head,
and do not pay any attention to <public opinion.>

The truth is that peer pressure, including and sometimes especially that of the young, can be very cruel, heartless and egoistically self-serving on the part of those who are <dishing it out>. Right now you are adopting a very passive and <needy> response to others who display absolutely no concern for your own best interests. My clear and direct suggestion to you is that you are allowing yourself to be abused by the negative opinions of others, your <peers>, your so-called friends and classmates. Why do you want to please those who are abusing you? What happens when you (perhaps) end up pleasing them and being accepted by them? When (if) that happens you will have sacrificed your Kesh and your commitment to your Guru in order to make peace and comfort with abusers. If you make such a bed for yourself, you'll have to lie in it (and live a lie). You are being passive to those who want to subtly harm you.

There is a time in life when we must resist the influences around us which are unhealthy. To make such resistance and hold fast to our principles is what makes a human great. Thank the Guru that He is giving you such an clearcut and obvious opportunity at your young age to make a choice based on true principles. Train your mind now always to opt for principle and reality, and that mental habit will always lead you to Guru's way and to excellence. If you give in to these self-serving pseudo-friends now, when will you learn not to sell yourself <down the river>? Who will pull you out of that habit?

Be real now. Live now for what you know is right, and allow Guru to come through for you by coming through for Him. Something in your Reality will shift if you do the right thing, and you will discover the Guru as your true Friend, and His Sikhs as your true company and circle of fiiends. Just as the Guru is testing you now, you should test the Guru, do it His way, and see how He comes through for you. These false friends will either be changed by the courage of your example, or they will become insignificant to you and true friends shall meet you. You will certainly find them among those who love the Guru.

Many blessings on your pathway to a mature, intelligent and worthy life as a GuruSikh.

Wahe Guru ji ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru ji ki fateh.

Humbly,
Krishna Singh Khalsa