My brother I was touched by your letter. I think it was because I understand what you were talking about in terms of trying to determine what really is the correct thing to do. I am born and bred overseas. Most of the females in my family including me do not cut their hair very short. However most men do not have keep their kesh. Like you say it is a personal thing.
From reading your letter I think you know the answer to your question. It lies in your heart. You will be a stronger person once you resolve that whatever you choose to do does not neccessarily need to be in accordance with everyone else around you. ie the non-sikh community who are problably the majority where you live. It is hard to do something which you believe in so strongly, while others around you are unable to comprehend why you have that belief. Do not be confused but courageous to live and express your inner self freely.