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Summary of Question:	Anger
Category:	Health
Date Posted:	Sunday, 7/28/2002 11:33 AM MDT

Sat Sri Akal

I am wondering if you could provide me some help. I am an Amritdhara Sikh and although I do my prayers to the best that I can regularly I have a very difficult time controlling my anger. I have noticed that it's not as bad as it used to be but it's still there and it creeps up once in a while. It really affects me and it seems that this is usually caused by other people around me. I become really depressed, angry, and sad. I cry and ocassionally I will throw things or even try to hurt myself physically. I am well aware that this anger is the result of some awful childhood experiences. Everytime I become angry like this it seems as if everyone turns their back on me. Nonone cares to understand why I am so angry and when they do ask I have a hard time explaining this to me it because they don't care about how I feel. I need to deal with this problem and I need to find a permanent solution one that will I guess forever fix the problem. I realize that everyone does get angry and everyone deals with their anger in a different way but for me anger is very self destructive -Nonone has ever given me any advice on how to deal with this anger. Everyone always says that you shouldn't get so angry but that's so easy to say. I need to care about myself in this times of anger-cause noone else does care when you're angry everyone else just wants to ignore you and your mood.Please give me some advice somthing that I can do that would help me with this anger. God Bless you


Sat Sri Akal

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Dear Blessed,

We really appreciate you opening up this way and being aware of your anger. That's the first step in healing. Your mission as a Sikh and as a Khlasa should not interfere with your ability to deal with anger. Please don't feel inadequate as a Sikh because you feel angry. What might be helpful - a few suggetions in dealing with your anger: first, treat it as a symptom of past experiences. It may be advisable to seek out an anger-management specialist/class and also perhaps a therapist who can address the underlying problems that you allude to in the past. That being said, let us recognize one thing. As a Khalsa, you are empowered to help define your destiny. The past is no more. Leave the past in the past and don't project it into your future. This is hard. This is not easy. It may take several months to create this new habit. When you get angry and it is related to your past, say to yourself, "I'm a Khalsa. I'm going to define my destiny. The past stays behind me. I'm going to look to my future." You can chant Dhan Dhan Guru Ram Das in your head - and it can calm you down. Because you recognize that your past is the past and you accept that it is the past and that you choose actively to leave it behind.

You may want to keep a journal so you can reflect on why you get angry, and how you've dealt with that situation. And over time, this will help you see that you are capable of leaving the past behind.

So people around you make you angry. That's OK. Understand this. They have their path to follow and you have yours. Focus on yours. And once again remember, as a Khalsa, you have the tools to determine your own destiny.

Go with Guru's grace.

SSM