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Summary of Question:Bad Behaviour In The Gurdwara
Category:Gurdwara
Date Posted:Tuesday, 5/16/2006 7:36 AM MDT

waheguru je ka khalsa waheguru je ke fateh je


I am a divored women with 3 children my husband wasent vey religous he didnot want me to be either 3 years ago i divorced him because he was very abusive with me and my children it took alot of courage to get away from this man.
I have not had a very good life every thing just went from bad to worse in my i was very miserable. Three years ago when i divorced i started takiging my children to the gurdwara we went to khalsa college on saturday mornings paath in the evenings punjabi classes on tuesdays more or less 3-4 times aweek do my morning paath and evening paath with my kids made my kids grow there kesh and covering mine and my kids head with patkas and keep my rehats.what i dont understand the gurdwara has seen the change in me and my kids which is for the good but they have stop talking to me and my kids and become hostile towards us i did langer de seva this week and no one spoke to us. The lady in the kitchen said to me the reason no one is speaking to u is because your daughter wears a skirt and leaves her hair out i have asked my daughter and she just burst out in tears and said mum tomorrow these poeple might say a have a boyfriend or even something worse and if they do i will die.My life has changed drastically for the better but poeple keep digging knives no one speakes to us in the gurdwara and its only the amritdaris who are so ignorant and nasty it is putting me of taking amrit what shall i do?.People spread lies in the gurdwara its making me and my kids from not going.I thought doing langer de seva might make me feel good but its like feeding snakes who are out to hurt us.The man who owns the gurdwara is not a good example either he prays on divocees and he plays mind games he gave his mobile number to my daughter to give to me he is an old man he has shocked me people wount hear a bad word agaist him even though they no hes a bad man.He is doing so many good things to help the unfortunate sikhs in india he helps people then why is he doing this he speakes to me when he feels like it but then sometimes he walks past me and ignores me he has also made indirect aproaches but i have ignored them but it doesnt stop me feeling like shit afterwards am so upset i want to shak amrit in the near future but these people just wount let me go futher what can i do plz HELP! i dont want to take a step back these people keep knocking my confidence. I have neglected my waheguru je for to long with no choice of my own but now i have a choice and i want to do everything that a true gursikh should with the grace of the allmighty the one and only waheguru je.


waheguru je ka khalsa waheguru je ke fateh je

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reply
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Sat nam. I am heartened to hear you had the courage to leave an abusive relationship. This abuse you are taking at the gurdwara is an extension of your marriage experience, so you have to shift it. Keep up your paath and chant the naam daily (at home). From your post you have, I believe, the following options/considerations.
1. Ignore them. Give NO energy to their nastiness. Really. Serve Guru at the gurdwara in your mind, not people's provincial gossipy smallness. Your daughter may be of an age where she is figuring out her self and her relation to the world. You must support her, even if she feels she has to wear a skirt and keep her hair out. You cannot force her to ACT Sikh, she has to choose it (it's also a teenage thing).
2. Continue to live uprightly; do not lower yourself or your kids to their level.
3. If you can, go to a different gurdwara. Gurudwara is guru's house, but in many places, a few people run it and decide it's their house with a guru in it. Big difference. Consider taking amrit at a different gurdwara. If you are in a large metropolitan area this is something you can do.
4. Get your own Babaji/babaji's room in your house, if you can, and start holding kirtans and lungars there with other community members who do not believe gossip. This will give them a chance to see how you live.
5. You are daughter of Guru. Act amritdhari anyway and remember that the only relationship that counts is the one you have with Guru. Give this problem to Guru and ask him to fix it. Chant dhan dhan Ram Das Gur shabd for a miracle on this matter.
Guru ang sang,
-DKK



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