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Summary of Question:	Speaking At The Gurudwara Where I Got Bad-Mouthed!
Category:	Gurdwara
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 11/18/2003 4:26 PM MST

Sat Nam.

Back in September, I posted on this forum about how people in the Panjabi language class trashed me to my face when the teacher wasn't there, and my husband left the room. I got called fat white trash, told that a non-Indian had no right to call oneself Sikh, and that I had no business in the class because I am American-born. Word got back to the teacher, who approached me last weekend and fell all over himself apologizing for the behavior of the class, and for not being there to stop it and to tell these these people where exactly Guruji stands on racism.

I've been asked to give a talk to this class about that Labor Day weekend when I got smacked down, what it was like and how I felt and what it made me think about the Sangat; and I am scared witless! First of all, I am unaccustomed to public speaking (and I work in sales; go figure.) Second, I think I have some unresolved issues about this incident. I still have anger. I still feel awkward going into the classroom, still acutely aware that I am older than these people and when I think about it, I feel like a complete jackass! The people who did this were junior-senior high school age, and I feel like the class nerd who gets thrown into the pool fully-dressed, just like it happened to me many years ago. It makes no sense to the logical side of my brain to have these feelings. Some of the kids in that class, I'm old enough to be their mother. I want to learn the language so that I know what I'm hearing Granthi say, and so I know what I'm doing for sure when I take Amrit. Why do I feel this anger? I'm scared I'll go off on these people and that's not the thing to do at all, especially in a house of prayer.

I need to know how to handle this with as much kindness and compassion as possible. I don't want to hate these young people, and I don't want to see them hating. I know that they're acting on what they have learned; maybe their parents or grandparents got hell from the white British before independence in the Old Country; I understand this well.(my parents fled the Communists after Poland's version of the Partition.) So because of this, maybe they've taught mistrust and hate to the unfortunate young ones. So my feelings make no rational sense, and I am being a wuss about going up and talking about it. Because I'm afraid I'll just leave them with more hate. I'm also afraid I'll never have respect in the Sangat, and that makes me feel guilty because it seems mighty selfish.

How on earth do I do this, and how do I do it with sensitivity? And how do I stop being mad at what happened so I don't carry it over?

Elizabeth

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REPLY
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Sat nam. Wahe Guru! This is a prime chance to prove that all are welcome before Guru's eyes and to indicate to these people that Sikhs are EVERYWHERE, not just in Punjab or in India, and not only Indian ethnically. It is a chance to show your sangat that our Gurus were neither racist nor parochial in their outlook. How on earth can Guru Gobind Singh's prophecy: "960 million we shall be" ever be realized if we limit Sikhi to the one ethnic group? Sikhi was meant to be a world religion, not a geographically limited curiosity.

Dress in full Sikh bana, put your hair up and cover it. It is OK to show a little of that righteous anger in your speech, but of course, keep your grace when you do so. Above all be graceful; be beyond reproach. Guru made you a sacrificial lamb in that class, because through you he wants to teach this sangat and hopefully others, by extension, that no one who calls him/herself Sikh can tell ANYONE else that they cannot bow before Guru because of race, gender, or ethnicity.

Search this forum for other replies on issues of Gurmukhi or Punjabi (i.e., non-Indian Sikhs trying to learn it, also lots of Indian youth cannot read/speak/write either! So you are not alone). Search it as well re racism and look at replies concerning Sikhs who do not keep the form of a Sikh. These will give you food for thought.

The clear message of Nanak is that NO ONE is born a Sikh. One is Sikh by their practice of Sikh teachings: bani, bana, simran, seva. When you remind them of that, look in their eyes and ask them: how many of you chanted the Naam today? Who and how did you serve this week? Do you keep the identity of a Sikh? Do you recite bani or read SGGS daily? We can be born into a Sikh family but one is not considered spiritual or a person of faith without DOING as a Sikh. Japji, Sidh Gosht, and Sukhmani reinforce this over and over. (Nanak would say just because one was born Brahmin did not make him spiritual. Spirituality only comes from practice of the Naam, meditation, and service. )

Find someone in the Gurdwara who is on your side and use them to make eye contact when you speak. Having their support will keep you going. Use this opportunity to resolve your anger over the Labor Day incident and teach others in grace as well. My experience of speaking publicly is 'just do it.' Know what you want to say; project as a teacher, or think of them as folks you need to 'sell'! Breathe deeply to relax as you speak. Once you get started you will be fine. It is also a prime chance to inspire other WOMEN in your gurdwara to take leadership roles in the sangat.

Another thing. You are white, which means you have no caste (therefore how do they classify you?) Probably every one of those youths has been subjected to racist comments at school. This makes them angry too. How you go about helping folks dispell their racist views is something you have to do carefully, but do. I think your analysis is correct of why you have been subjected to their racism. The only way to stop it is to stand tall and be the Grace of God that is woman. BTW, 'fat' is not such a bad thing in traditional Indian culture; it means one is not poor/is well-fed.

I hope this helps. Guru ang sang,
-DKK