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Summary of Question:arranged marriages
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Sunday, 6/06/1999 6:47 AM MDT


im a 19 yr old female. recently my father and i had a talk about marriage, he thinks that i should be seriously thinking about marriage...what i want to know is that why are sikh parents so insistant in arranged marriages? i mean its me who has to live with my future husband..what if we dont get along...and divorce would be out of the question since its not allowed in our so confused and worried as my parents are constantly nagging at me about marriage and how it will be an arranged one. i would like some opinions and advice on this please...


Wow you raise some tough problems, it's not hard to see why no one has attempted to answer this one. I'll try to answer the whole thing and do it catagorically.. O.K.
1. Sikh parents are so insistant about arranged marriage because it is tradition and it works. Any time a person is comfortable with something they perpetuate it. As a fact 50% of all non arranged marriages end in divorce. The statistic for arranged ones is something like 3 in 25 end in divorce. Marriage is a sacred event, it is meant to connect two souls as one and is the paramount relationship in anybodies life. There seems today to be a lack in that sacredness in marriage. The reason for this is that so many people today are getting married for emotional reasons. Any time that you make a momentus decesion in life you should not make that decision based on the emotion of it but on the reasonable practical and logical one. Love is about security. People who marry emotionally often find themselves not being able to get through tough times because they come to a point where they wonder what they ever saw in the other person. I'm not suggesting on the other hand that love should not be a factor. Rather I'am suggesting that before a couple get married that they analyse all the reasons why it is a good match. If they decide that they can get through all the hard timers etc then they should go ahead with it. Something that I think that is lacking in marriages today is that it is made into this happy happy joy joy thing and the two people who are getting married are not told that there will be hard times and there will be days where you just want to kill each other and that is part of the process. Mental Preparedness.

2. Now you see alittle better their perspective, the fact that they are relatively happy and satisfied with the way their marriage is and how it happened. You on the other hand are scared and confused as to what to do, correct. Well let us see what we can do with this. You should, as the person getting married have some say in your own fate. I think that anyone who would disagree with this has alterior motives. You should also have a choice in who it is ( meaning that you do have the right to say no) you are the person who will have to live with this man for the rest of your life, assuming you dont get a divorce. Why have you not considered a trial period such as an engagement. Or if a man is brought up find out all about him before you make a decision. If he is of good character is kind and has courage and you think he would make a good father. I think it needs to be said here that the only way to be really happy in a marriage is to be completely committed. If there is any duality in your mind it will not be good for you. sometimes you just need to trust in God, Guru will not let you down. Have trust and faith, they are very hard and abstract things to believe in, but those who do always seem to be satisfied. When the time comes for you to be married you will either go through a great deal of confusion and pain or you will be ready for it and able to deal with it in Grace and divinity.

I myself had an arranged marriage. I offered her the chance to not go through with it and let her know that if she did go through with it that I would treat her with respect and love and support. Try not be to scared about it or to confused. Once again, just trust in the Guru and everything will be as it should be. I hope that I may have helped you and that this has answered your question. Thank You

Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh *

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