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Summary of Question:	Nitnem/Banis/Meditation At Amrit Vela
Category:	Gurbani
Date Posted:	Friday, 6/08/2001 5:45 AM MDT

WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH

Khalsa Ji,i have posted a question in the past too...

http://www.sikhnet.com/sikhnet/youth.nsf/3d8d6eacce83bad8872564280070c2b3/1e78b2edcdb1a19387256a3d0026edfd!OpenDocument

telling u the truth,i don't know why...i feel there is some amount of pride that wells up in me after i do the 7 Banis :( i started praying to Guru that "YOU are making me do this,i'm worth nothing"...but still a little bit of it persists...so i am in a dilemma...if i don't do the Banis,i feel bad...its like i'm not in touch with the Guru and remain upset/depressed...if i do them,while doing them i start losing concentration and since sometimes i don't understand the Bani i start moving towards the phase of getting close to bored :( this also makes me feel bad as to "why do i start finding the Bani boring" :( and once i am done,pride wells up...as mentioned in my earlier post,i get done with the 7 Banis and Ardas in 80 minutes...a few days back i tried meditation and thought i would do it for an hour...see what a wretched human being i am! i want to impress/flatter the LORD by showing HIM how much time i spend in HIS devotion,rather than doing it solely for love :( i'm going after quantity instead o

f quality...i thought of doing meditation for an hour and got up in like 20 minutes or so...u were so right in saying that "Whether you do one Nitnem Bani or seven Banis; whether you speak in Gurmukhi or in English; whether you meditate on Waheguru or meditate on Gurbani Kirtan; the secret is LISTENING"...ignorant me still doesn't seem to get the point...and to make matters worse,there is another thing which worries me...here it is

http://www.snsm.org.my/library/articles/bani1.htm

now my foolish and materialistic mind thinks that if i do only Japji Sahib and not the other Banis,i will be deprived of the powers they have...where will u find another messed up individual like me whose intention of doing the Banis is to get these powers which bind a man more with maya,rather than experiencing spiritual joy...i want to experience that spiritual joy Khalsa Ji...i really feel ashamed when such thoughts comes to mind...do u have any solution for this Khalsa Ji?...i'm a human being of KalYug,the dark age...it is my nature to go wrong...so i beg GuruJi to hold my hand tight...i keep thinking ways of doing Nitnem and end up doing nothing :( only yesterday i was thinking that i will memorize Japji and sing it whenever i sit down to do Nitnem...during the month of March i did the 7 Banis the entire month...everyday at amrit vela...but i was not that regular in April...and lost it completely in May...so i want to start fresh in June...i think i should have started with one Bani...now i may be wron

g here again...i'm really confused right now and want u to tell me what to do,as in how to do Nitnem...there are numerous posts on this forum and i have checked nearly all of them...i think i am just terribly confused with a minor feeling of guilt too...

waiting for your reply very eagerly

SatSriAkaal!



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REPLY
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Dear One:

Sat Siri Akaal! The reply you received in your first query is ALL TRUE. Understand that these things --practice of bani and Naam -- grow on you. Keep up and you will be kept up. It took me 3 months to first get a regular sadhana going, and 3 years to recognize how it served me. Meanwhile I just kept doing it.

It is perfectly OK in Sikhi to be attached to one's sadhana, to realize that without it you do not feel whole. So in the beginning maybe guilt is keeping you attached. My own experience of that guilt was when I realized that without my sadhana, I could not deal w/my difficult boss as well as I could when I did do sadhana. Then I started keeping my discipline as a survival tactic. Whatever works.

You can experiment with reciting the banis a different 'way' each time, because you might find way serves you better. By this I mean experiment with: pace, sing-song or monotone, English, Gurmukhi, recite by yourself or with others or with a recording, etc. Everyone has their own sound current ('naad') that is theirs and that elevates their spirit.

The gifts of each bani are gifts, not powers. They will not come to you unless and until you are ready, and if Guru so wills it. But meanwhile they support you subtly in the way you and that site/post above describe. Don't attach to your guilt! Recognize it for what it is, and use it as a tool -- a gift from your soul -- to keep you going with your sadhana until you realize within yourself that your life is meaningless without it. Give it time!

Concentration and listening also grow with time. We have 1000 thoughts per wink of the eye, and you wonder why you can't concentrate! It happens to all of us. What counts is the effort, and with practice it gets easier and easier. None of this perfection you seek happens to most of us overnight. It takes days, months, years, lifetimes, depending on the soul involved. Take heart. You are a shining example of someone who takes seriously the Sikh way of bani and simran. May others learn from your example. Bless you!
Guru Rakha,
-DKK