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Summary of Question:	My Friends Resentment
Category:	Hair
Date Posted:	Sunday, 7/15/2001 8:27 AM MDT

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Dearest Brother/ Sister,

I was wondering whether you could help me with an issue I feel very strongly about. It concerns a person I consider my younger sister and love tremendously.

My sister was a happy, cheerful, loving and caring. She had a beautiful singing voice and used to sing Shabads with emmense pyar.

This was up until last August. In that month she was diagnosed with Hodgkin's disease (basically cancer of the lymph nodes). She was very fortunate, it was caught early and the doctors told her she had a 90% success rate because they caught it in the early stages. I did Ardaas for her and she had her Radiotherapy. With the hukum of our true father Waheguru and none other, she recovered, but not without losing a majority of her hair.

Doctors only recently told her she is fully cleared and that she has no signs of secondary cancer and she will be able to have children.

Although she is very happy to be alive and praises Waheguru fo rletting her live, she has a lot of resentment in her about the whole experience. Recently, I saw a side to her that i thought I would never see within 5 lifetimes. She now loses her temper with tremendous ease and can stay angry for a while.

A couple of evenings ago, she came o me and talked to me about her temper. She expressed an amount of pain about her loosing her temper and asked me for help. I (with my lack of knowledge), was not as much help as I would have liked to have been. That is why I am turning to you. Could you please help my sister overcome her resentment and anger by any means you feel how. I would (and I am sure she would) love some Bani that would help her, as also some yoga techniques to keep her calm.

Thank you for anything you do,

May Waheguru bless you always,

Gur Fateh, Manmeet

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reply
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Dear Manmeet Singh Ji,

Your sister is lucky to have such a loving, concerned brother.

My guess is that she is going through a very natural process, which is very common when someone experiences a loss or trauma. There are 6 stages to this process. The first one is shock and denial, which she probably experienced when she first found out about her condition. Next comes Barbaining ("I promise I will never think another negative thought if I can just get well again." would be an example.). The Third stage is Depression, the Fourth is Anger, the fifth is Acceptance and finally six, is Transcendence (where the person is able to transform something in their life because of the loss). These stages come and go and are intermingled, meaning that a person can be angry one day, depressed the next and feel again angry, then acceptance, than depressed and so forth. The feelings come like waves...coming in and then receding. Just when the person begins to feel "normal" and balanced again, something willl remind them of their loss and then the feelings will return. Please let your sister know that th
is is normal and with time she will feel like herself again. Of course the best is for her to be able to get to the transcendence stage, where something in her life is better because of her experience with cancer.

Time is a healer, but there are other things she can do to speed it along and to help her elevate herself in the process. Here are a few suggestions:
1- She should read from the Guru as much as possible. If she could do a Sahej Path, that would help her tremendously. I recently did a 40-day Sahej Path, in which I read 3 hours a day for 40 days. It was an incredibly blissful and transformative experience.
2- or, Read Sukhmani Sahib every day. She can begin with a few pages a day and build up to the whole bani a day.
3- or, Read Anand Sahib every day..."Song of Bliss."
4- and/or, a meditation for anger. Sit is Easy Cross-legged Position, spine is straight, arms are down, hands at the knees. The mantra is Sa Ta Na Ma (Sa-Infinity, Ta- life, Na-death, Ma- rebirth). In this way she is vibrationally turning into the cycle of life and death and rebirth, which is infinite. The fingers have a job in this meditation. When chanting Sa, the thumb and index finger tips press together; on Ta, the thumb and middle finger tips press together; on Na, the thumb and ring finger tips press together; and Ma, the thumb and pinker/little finger tips press together. The pressure at the finger tips is firm, not a light touch. The eyes are closed, focused up at the Third Eye/brow point. She will eventually feel a pulsating at the Third Eye in the rhythm of the mantra. Also, as she chants outloud, the stomach pumps in on each syllable,Sa Ta Na Ma, which will help take the anger and sadness, residing at the navel center, and transform it up to her higher centers of heart and intuition.

It might be helpful to help her get started by doing what ever she chooses with her, atleast until she gets into the routine of it. Let her know that her feelings are normal, but that she can transform them as well.

If you would like to email me directly at [email protected]. Let me know how she is doing and feel free to email me if you have any further questions.
In The Guru's Light, Guru Terath Kaur