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Summary of Question:Marriage
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Monday, 5/17/1999 9:47 AM MDT

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa,

Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!!

Guru pyario....i have one question...that bothers me a lot at this moment..
what does Guru Ji think of Love? of relationships and falling in love and getting married...
i know who i want to marry right now...and although ppl would say that i'm too young...i dont think i am...
but there seems to a problem...i am not part of the Akhand Keertanee Jatha...and he is...and we haven't mentioned anything about our relationship to our parents, but he says that we should end it right now because his parents will object to me, because i am not a part of the his family has been for the last 25 yrs..
our families r very different...i am the only amritdhari in my family...but his whole family..they r all amritdhari...that seems to be a problem...
but i dont want to end this...because i love him very much, and i want to be a part of his family...i want to try to be a good gursikh with him...i am afraid that his parents r going to find him somebody soon, and he wont be able to say anything...i am very afraid..and i dont know what to do...i want to spend the rest of my life with my singh, and i dont want to have me not being a part of the jatha stopping me...
please give me some advice..

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa,
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Har Ka Daas.
Sat Nam. Guru Nanak encouragedt the way of the Householder, the "Grisht Ashram." Yes, being married, raising a family is ideal for a Sikh. But usually it was considered that the first 25 years of life one devoted to study, and education, living single as "Brahmachari." You don't say exactly how old you are, but I'll bet you're not 25 yet! As for falling in love, that almost irresistable, overpowering emotional urge to be with someone, unfortunately, that is not necessarily a basis for a strong and lasting marriage. There are so many divorces in the western world today because people "fall in love" and marry and then the reality of what marriage requires sets in, and as they say, " when the honeymoon is over," there's not enough mutual commitment, mutual goals, shared values to keep this institution of marriage together. And if there are children, they suffer either from a broken home, or a home where the parents fight and/or ignore each other. What we think is love is usually attachment, passion, desire.

True love is a willingness to sacrifice - to give 100% to the other person. When you marry, you don't just marry a person, you do marry his family! And especially in the Indian curlture, the concerns of both families have to be considered.
Do you want to join the Akand Kirtani Jatha? If not, I doubt your marriage would be acceptable to them. And if you do, would it be acceptable to your parents.>
And does the young man feel the same way about you? Just know this, we have come into this world as spiritual beings, for human experiences.! As we learn and grow, we pay off our karma. Perhaps it is your karma to marry this man, and perhaps it is not. More important is to understand if it is Dharmically correct. And this you must find through meditation and prayer. When you read Siri Guru Granth Sahib you find over and over statements reminding us that husbands, wives, sons, daughters, all relative are just temporary relationships, the only permanent relationship is the one you have with God and Guru. Building a relationship takes communicatioin, and so each of us needs to work on strengthening that fundamental conscious connection, then everything in life will fall into place gracefully, according to God's will. Make sure your priorities are straight, and see what happens. Sending you love and prayers for your happiness and fulfillment on all levels! humbly yours, Shakti Parwha Kaur Khalsa

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