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Summary of Question:	Why aren't even Sikh women attracted to bearded, turbaned Sikh men
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Tuesday, 1/04/2000 12:53 PM MST

I am 23 years old professional. I have a full beard and turban. I was born and brought up in the US. Today, I've read through many of the Q&A about hair. It seems many of my peers who have questioned or are questioning keeping their hair over the last couple of months want to fit in better and get more attention from the opposite sex. I can relate to this-- although this isn't a goal in life, self-esteem and self-confidence are important and influenced by these things. It seems many of the answers talk about being your own person and people should like you for who you are. But, my simple or not so simple question is: Why do even Sikh woman not find bearded, turbaned Sikh men attractive? And, if they don't, how can anyone expect women of other faiths/ethnic groups to find them attractive? This really hurts at times. I would actually like to get a lot of female insights (replies) to this question. Please do not tell me it isn't so, because I have seen it and lived it.

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REPLY
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Dear Bitter,

You have lived and seen what??? what you yourself confirm and believe within yourself everyday. I can speak from experience that not only do many Sikh Women find men with beards attractive but so do many non Sikh women. It is the way that you carry yourself and the character you have and your over all personality that can change the way a woman looks at you. Women like men of character and personal power. Men who are not confident do not get or attract women it is a simple fact.

Facial and bodily looks are only part of the equation. If you cannot present yourself in a self confident way then you are the one losing out. If the woman you are attracted to cannot see you for what and who you are then she is not worth wasting your time over. In this day and age in this pop culture we are so caught up in the baloney of the sexual game that we are starting to believe that there is a certain look and only that particular way of looking is attractive. The fact that you even have fallen into this belief shows that you have fallen for what Hollywood and T.V. and advertisers want you to believe.

You look different I know that you accept that but it is something to be proud of. Asking for a womans insight as to why men with beards and Pagri are not as attractive to them is asking to divert your attention from your commitment and hear opinions that will not make you feel any more at ease. The peers of which you were speaking are also having the same problem. I'm not saying that people should like you for who you are. That is not the key. The answer is that you should like you for who you are. Dont judge yourself or live a life by the thoughts of others. If you dont like what you see change it. But if you want to say that you are changing to please a woman or any one else it is pure trash.

I myself am married to a woman who is a non Sikh. She did not in her own words marry me because of my looks. I'm an average looking man I have a beard and a full pagri. She married me because she knew I would provide and love her and treat her with the respect she deserves. She is an incredibly special person to me. This will happen to you too. You must trust in God and Guru. You must remember we get what we deserve in life. You have to believe this.

All of you guys out there who are having the same problem, do me a favor. Just try. If there is a girl out there that you are attracted to and you have the good intentions a Sikh man must have, then try to meet her. Dont do it in a way that will scare her away. Dont come out of no where and scare her. Give her a chance to get familiar with you by seeing you and then talk to her someday in a friendly way ( not a "friendly" way). Women are not like movie characters they dont do this all in one hour. Take your time. Be confident. Be gentlemanly. Remember your manners. If she decides she likes you she will let you know so be aware. If she doesnt like you she will let you know. But I promise you if you never try you will never get anywhere. Thank You

WAHE GURU JI KA KHALSA WAHE GURU JI KI FATEH