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Summary of Question:	Memories From The Past Are Hurting Me
Category:	Meditation
Date Posted:	Saturday, 10/27/2007 10:05 PM EDT

Sat Nam,

I have been doing Dhan Dhan Ram Das Guru Meditation for about a month or so, sometimes for 11- 30 mins. But ever since then I have been feeling really sad, and memories from the past suddenly started to pop out, like I have been thinking a lot about my first boyfriend he was a really kind person, and every night I can’t go to sleep because my mind is torturing me with thoughts like I should have never broken up with him, or If I should have done this or that, or I shouldn’t have done that, but 7 years have past ever since that, I can’t do nothing about it, and it’s really making me sick and I feel very depressed, I’ve been praying to God and I’ve talked to Guru Ram Das. I’m now married with a very wonderful man, and I told him what was happening with me, I’m living a very righteous life, but now ever since these thoughts it seems that I can’t find happiness any where, I feel blue, and everyday I’m just thinking on what I did, and shouldn’t have done, I regret some things. I just can’t stop blaming myself for breaking up with him (my first boyfriend), I think I was blind or something. I know this sounds ridiculous but I just feel so helpless, please help me, I want to be the person I was a month ago, happy, full of light and grace. What happened with me? I really enjoy Dhan Dhan Ram Das Guru.

May the Guru’s grace always be with you, love and blessings.
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reply
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Dear one,

Be very careful. You are deeply spiritual but not applying your spiritual knowhow to solve this. You are living a good life but your monkey mind....evil sister(as Siri Guru Granth Sahib refers to duality and negativity)is creating havoc with your life.
We all have monkey minds that want our full attention, and you are getting caught in catering to this monkey. Good sign, your mind is feeling threatened by your progress in that you were not catering to it enough so it is screaming at you. But you have given in and so you have a deep problem to address. Go meditate when this voice comes.

The past is gone. Your present life is not getting your gratitude or support.

Stop living in the past and express gratitude. Bless and forgive yourself for your past and let it go. Bless and forgive God for the way things are. Then BE GRateful and happy and shut up your mind!!!

Best way to clear the imprint of past is through SA T NA MA meditation.
If you are interested ask me for it. Otherwise here is another thing to do.
This is a perfect personal practice for you to develop a clear perspective on your life:

Each morning (by yourself this is personal) take a hukam from Siri Guru Granth Sahib. Read it in the language that you can understand deeply. Let the words of the Guru guide you for the day and give you clue's for what you must attend too. Do this daily and you will develop a great relationship with your TRUE friend and guide. You are lucky to have this problem because the solution will take you deeper into your spiritual essence and you will learn mastery. This comes in handy for the future lessons that you will get.