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Summary of Question:	Dealing With A Broken Heart
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 10/24/2001 7:14 PM MDT

WJKK,WJKF

dear bhaji or bhainji, I am truly kamlee...
do you have any advice for dealing with a broken heart? I feel so stupid coming to this forum but I really didn't have anywhere else to turn..

I'm only 16.. (yep, only 16!) and im suffering from a severe case of heartache.. I was in a relationship which i blindly thought would last forever.. I know the person cared a lot and it was my first ACTUAL love (not just some sort of a fling, or lust kind of relationship) because we actually cared about each other.. And didn't even rush things, we went really slowly and well, I pretty much trusted him with everything I had. He respected me so much and things seemed really perfect, but there was one incident of jealousy, (he thought he saw me and some other guy hugging..) everything went downhill..
I know its really stupid and immature, but even from here everyone thought we were gonna fix things and his friends are SOOOO stupid because they influenced him and changed him quite a bit.

I thought he'd be the last one to 'follow' the crowd and give in to peer pressure, but I guess not. And I thought he'd always be there but this is really weird, he heard rumours and everything just got messed up, he practically planned to break up and told his friends and ahh he was a total opposite..

It's not like we just met, cause we'd known each other since we were like 12 or 13.. And became friends when we were probably 14, and uhh it all started from there. We liked each other on and off and a nuuuumerous amount of things happend, (as in fights and all) and we STILL managed to come back together and be friends again after one of the biggest and most difficult fights i've ever witnessed myself. He revealed his true feelings to me but I didn't wanna proceed furthur because I wasn't interested in gettnig hurt, since he had already hurt me before, and I wasn't interested in ANOTHER stupid relationship... But around 2 months ago, i gave in cause i started feeling the same way. He respected the fact that I was religious and everythign, and never pressured me... And HONESTLY if it was hormones speaking and not our hearts, we wouldn't have been going out in the first place because I'm not that type of person and he knew that i'm not like that, and never expected me to do anything with him.. Because i never w

ould, and that rule i promised to myself and god, and no one will ever or can ever change that until i get married.

The weird thing is, that he made so many promises, and i KNOW that when he made them, he wanted to keep them.. He wasn't lying and he planned on staying together for as long as possible but this just all broke apart from his stupidity.. And I know myself that it's HIS loss but it's hard to get over.. I feel so much anger towards him for what he's done, but I know nothing's gonna come out of anger now. He's even made this mistake before, and would tell me again and again how he learnt that "you don't know what you've got til its gone", and how he realized how hard things were when i wasn't around.. But I made another promise to myself, and that is that THIS WAS HIS LAST CHANCE and I want to (well not really....) but my MIND is telling me to get over him and forget about him or relationships in general.

I have a few different email accounts, but one of my main ones is full of about 90 emails from him.. Which are all soo incredibly long. It'd kill me to delete them, and I don't even know why.. If it's over and that's it, FOREVER, there's no other chance of getting back together (because even if he wants to, i dont want to let him back in.) I can't delete the emails, but I can't stop using the account totally because it's gonna be even harder.
And it's hard for me to forget about everything, since it seems like yesterday we were practically 'planning our lives', then he has the nerve to do this to me again.... I'm really confusd but I'm angry enough to know that I have to get over him. I hope you understand how I feel without getting mad at me for being so stupid? It just hurts, going to the same spot where he first asked me out, and remembering the days when everything was happy... Back then all my friends used to talk to his friends, and now everyone hates each other. We don't even see each other at school (barely) because him and his friends are always going away somewhere.. ANd things are just weird, one minute I'm happy but if I think about it too much I get confused and lost about what I'm gonna do, and how my future's gonna be without him in it...?

I know he probably thinks of all this stuff when he's alone at home.. But in front of friends he has to act 'hardcore' and there's already way too many rumours going around school, either saying that he dumped me or that i dumped him or that he said all this stuff about me, and blah blah.. It's stupid

Do you think we'll be friends again? Do you think I even SHOULD be friends with him again? Or will it only bring more problems, maybe I should just hide in the school washroom and make all my friends hide with me so I don't have to look at him? (kidding) or um try to close my eyes when I see him speaking to other girls.. Because I know it turns his stomach to see me talking to other guys (he's gotten into a fight with that guy who supposedly hugged me... and still hates him), I just don't understand why he still can't stand seeing me with other guys but broke it off!!? It kills me that we didn't even break up because we stopped liking each other, we broke up because of rumours and peer pressure, it's horrible..

HE'S SO dumb and he's done so much mean stuff and ARGH I just wanna... I don't even know what I want.. Just to be happy again.. Is thre any advice you can give me, anything that can help me be happy again, anything that can help me move on and heal?
I know this was a LONG question but it felt good to let it all out and I hope it'll feel just as good to get a reply, whatever the reply is, I hope it helps me and I hope waheguru will bless *him* and make sure he doesn't take the wrong path (drinking, drugs, etc) and even though I hate him right now and don't think I'll be able to forgive him, I hope waheguru keeps him happy.
Thank-you in advance for any advice I can get, and God bless.
WJKK, WJKF.

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REPLY
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Sat Sri Akal,

You are so young, you shouldn't trouble yourself with boyfriends, etc. I know that in this culture you are pushed into having relationships at a young age, but in the long run it will be much better for you if try not to get emotionally involved with anyone and instead concentrate on your school work. At your age, doing well in school is, in general, the most important thing.

To keep your mind at ease, you can do paath. That will help to focus your mind on the one thing that truly matters, Waheguru. Doing paath doesn't necessarily mean sitting down everyday and reciting Japji Sahib, Rehras, etc. (though you should try to do that as well if you're not already), but you can also do paath by thinking about saying Waheguru to yourself as you go to school, or in between classes, or really anytime at all. This will take your mind off of things that shouldn't concern you at this point in life (i.e., relationships with boys). I know it is hard to keep your mind off of the opposite sex, but it is really to your benefit.

I recommend doing Kirtan Sohela every night (it only takes 5 minutes) if you don't already. You can do it before going to sleep, it will give you peace before you sleep. You should keep full trust in Waheguru that whatever Waheguru does it is for your benefit. So be a good person, help your family and others, do well in school, don't bother yourself about petty issues like boys, etc. until you are a little older.

I hope this helps.

Gur Fateh,
HSD