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Summary of Question:	What's Wrong With Me?!
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 2/07/2001 8:28 PM MST

I dunno what's wrong with me

Just no matter how hard I try, I can't find peace of mind.. I'm always in a bad mood, I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to be happy about, and I just feel like crap - all the time.. It's mainly because of school, and I always let little things get to my head.. I feel so bad because I'm letting my family down when it comes to grades, and I never even sit and talk with them because I'm always too depressed to even go out of my room

And this seriously isn't right because I don't even get that hungry anymore and I get tired alot, and it's not like I'm anywhere near suicidal, I'm thankful for what I DO have, but always look at the people who are so much happier and I always bring myself down.. I feel like there's no where to turn, and I have to stay in this school until the end of the school year (in June), thank god next year I can transfer somewhere else, maybe to my old hometown where I know everyone.. I just totally have no hope for some reason, I'm never happy, I need to get back to normal because I don't really like this..

And I can't even see sunny days in the future because everywhere I look now is gray.. My brother's been getting more and more into Sikhi every day, and he's a really good role model, but for some reason I just CAN'T be like him, I don't know what to do at all.. Bad thing's just KEEP on happening, one after the other, everything that can possibly go wrong is all going wrong at one time.. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind, because there's so much pressure on me, and I don't want to cause my parents any more stress because they've always been here for me.. I'm very open with them, and I told them what's going on, but they always tell me it isn't a big deal and I need to forget about these little things that are bringing me down

But I don't know HOW do bring myself back up

I'm totally lost and I cry so much now, for no reason.. It's just because of stupid pressures at school, and I've been losing a lot of my friends.. People dislike me for no reason, and I want to be strong and happy but I'm just totally falling apart

PLEEEEEEASE help me because I feel really hopeless

THANKS SO MUCH - wjkk wjkf

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REPLY
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Wahe Guru Ji Ka Khalsa, Wahe Guru Ji Ki Fateh

Dear One--

Wahe Guru made us all for a purpose. Every soul is special and has a destiny. Do not feel as if you are worthless and understand that you ignore your own specialness when you compare yourself to others and judge yourself as not good enough.

I do not know where you go to school, but I highly recommend you find a teacher or school counselor who you can talk to. From your query, it really sounds like you have a form of clinical depression. I do not mean to scare you. Please see a doctor if you can,(possibly a school doctor?), because your depression could be from a chemical imbalance, and you would be amazed how that can affect your thinking and your appetite and your grades!

It is hard for others to be around people who are often depressed; this could be why you are losing friends. I realize you feel you cannot talk to your parents about this. But are you CERTAIN that you cannot (ask yourself)? It is not unusual at your age to feel conflicted, confused, and like you are not as good as a sibling or someone else. (Where is it written that you have to be JUST like your brother?)

Your problem with grades I think is also related to how you are feeling. Low grades do not mean a person is dumb or no good. Some people have completely different learning styles that do not fit standard educational environments. And personal success can come to anyone. Whether or not you like him, U.S. President George Bush was a C-student at Yale University!

It seems like you need a non-family adult/older person to go to for guidance, someone you can CONFIDE in. Other options besides those mentioned above are ministers at your gurdwara, or maybe the parent of a close friend, or a school chaplin (religious counselor; s/he does not have to be Sikh to help). YOU ARE NOT ALONE and you must not continue to think that you are.

One thing that might help bring you out is to do something that pulls you out of yourself. For example, volunteer at a free/soup kitchen after school. Or if you are really good at some subject (whether or not you ace it) you can tutor someone younger than you who needs help with it. Or get involved in extra-curricular activities (I cannot tell if you are in highschool or college) where you can exercise your mind/body in non-academic ways.

I highly recommend as well that you try to take a yoga class or at least get yourself on a regular exercise or sports regimen. Exercise is excellent for lifting one from depression and team sports is very good for raising self esteem. Yoga can help balance the brain/mind. You can look for yoga classes here http://www.kundaliniyoga.com/Sikhnet/IKYTA.nsf/IKYTA or maybe you know of some in your area (not sure where you live).

Also, a really good meditation to do for peace of mind is "Kirtan Kriya". Please search this Youth forum using these two keywords, and you will find an explanation of this meditation. Regular practice will help you lift yourself out of this.

If you have a sangat/gurdwara community, think seriously about getting involved in youth activities there (or start one!). Being around sangat also does wonders for lifting spirits, and you will not feel so isolated.

Please push yourself to do one or all of the above. I say this because how you are feeling (as described) may initially make it hard to help yourself pull out of this 'funk' you are in. But start simply with one change and then add to it.
God bless you and protect you!

-DKK