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Summary of Question:	Trouble In Marriage Life
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Monday, 3/19/2001 6:20 AM MDT

sat sri akaal,

i am 26 years old. i got married when i was 22. i am a mother of a daughter now.
When i got married 4 years ago my father past away. I got married in jun and my dad oast away in april. I got doubt that because of me my dad is gone. If i was not to be getting married my dad might be alive now. He was only 46. Some people even said that my hubby brought bad luck for my family. When i was introduced to my hubby i didn.t liked him at all but i agreed to get married because of my family. My father was very happy with him. I got anggaged in march and my dad left us in april. Now i am in difficulty like i can't really get along with my hubby although i am married for 4 years. Firstly he doesn,t stick to one job. He will hope around and says that he could,t get along with his employer. I am a teacher. He is a hotellier. I have seen hard life since i was a kid. My father was only a kopral in police and my mum was not working.I m the elderst and have 4 younger sis and bro.s. so i wanted to get get married to a person whom i could be happy with . But after getting married non of my dreams came tr

ue. I have to work hard to earn my leaving. My husband sometimes he has a job sometimes no. Whyt this thing happened to me? I used to do alot of sewa in gurdwaras and also kirtan. But still inspite of thet i couldnt get a happy leaving. My in laws doesn.t bother about my hubby. My brother in law is a doctor but still they help him if he needs any cash. Here for my hubby they will ask us to live in our means and refuse to help us out. I believe in waheguru but why am i been tested everytime. please try to help me out .
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Reply
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Greetings to you in the Name of God the light of every soul and in the Name of Guru the life of every Sikh.

Dear one, when life is full of seeming difficulties, it may be painful, but within that pain is your true awakening. It is sad that your father had to leave you, but that was God's will and not anybody's fault. Be very careful with your thinking.

You are looking at your situation as a punishment. You mention happiness as all the superficial and transitory pleasures. Being "in love" with your husband, having an easy life is not true happiness, it is temporary happiness.

Consider this; you truely deserve happiness and fulfillment in life! God is really loving those that have many challenges in their lives. Think of yourself as someone very special. Our many Guru's gave us so many examples of going through challenges. This enriched their lives. "Ketia dukh bukh sad maar". "All the many pains and suffering you bring to me are Thy gifts Oh Lord". The one that does not judge their lot by saying...'this is good and this is bad" is truely a saint of God.

So, Guru is making it easy for you by not giving you a lot of emotional ties. The fact that you do Seva and go to the Gurdwara is something that many people have no consciousness for. The service and devotion that you do are to give you an experience of real fulfillment. This is fulfillment of the spirit.

You may see your situation as hard, but this too will change. Change your attitude to gratitude. Start by using your disappointment and apply this energy to devotion. When you start to balance your life and find happiness in your devotion, then everything around you will change. Your husband will feel uplifted and he can change you.

You start. You are the soul and spirit of your relationship, your marriage. You are the creative power in your marriage. For the next 90 days....do 30 minutes of walking while reciting the Muhl Mantra out loud. Walk like in a cadence or marching. You can do this with your husband too. But, best to do this religiously every day for yourself. He will get benefit when you start feeling better. Do this in a relaxing and enjoyable attitude, outdoors. Walk briskly and swing your arms too. The recitation will give you a base and start building your confidence in your life. Bless yourself and give yourself this experience.

Ek ong kar
Sat Nam Karta purakh
Nirbhou, Nirvair, Akaal murath, Ajooni, Saibhang,
Gurprasaad, Jaap!
Aad sach, jugaad sach, haibhee sach, Nanak hosee bhee sach.

"The Creator of the creation is One, Truth is His Name.
He is the Doer of all,
He is without fear, without anger without revenge, He is undying, unborn, selfillumined. This is realized by the True Guru's Grace.
Jaap! Meditate!
Relate to that which is True in the beginning
Relate to that which is true through all the ages, and that which is true even now and that which Nanak says shall ever ever be True."

Find your true happiness within and everything outside will make sense.
God bless you dear sweet sister, SKKK