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Summary of Question:	Homosexuality, Marriage, Family Life And Sikhism
Category:	Love & Marriage
Date Posted:	Wednesday, 1/10/2001 6:27 PM MST

I would like to ask why Sikhism doesn't condone homosexuality as an alternative lifestyle.

I myself am a Sikh man, keshdhari but not amritdhari, and I must admit that I do not pray as often as i should do. However, I have a string belief in the power of Waheguruji, and believe in rab di kirpa.
I also believe that my sexuality has been dictated to me from birth, that I was born gay and that it was a God-given aspect of my life.

In reference to the fact that, in your view, Sikhism can never accept homosexuality even within a same sex marriage, the lavan are not gender specific, as has been refered to in some of the postings in your valuable resources, but refer to one's relationship to the almighty Waheguru.

Therefore, is it not possible for two men, or two women to get married in the presence of the Guru Granth Sahib and be under the same obligations of marriage as heterosexual couples? I can understand that a man and a woman would normally have children upon marriage, but what about individuals who are unable to conceive for one reason or another. Should they be considered as having wasted their partner's potential for having produced offspring within another relationship? Or should they be see as gay couples, as people who have married for mutual companionship in this world and the next?

Is it also possible for individuals to change sex while experiencing the Chaurasi lakh (840'000) life cycle of reincarnation? for example, is it possible for an individual to be female in one lifetime as, say as an animal of some kind, and return in the next life as a male human being?

Would such a possibility make it possible for the remanants of the previous life to linger on in the next, and therefore cause situations where men see themselves as either gay, or wish to undergo a sex change? I don't wish to appear blasphemous by asking such questions, but wish to show that God has in-built such functions within the mortal world as a means of maintaining population size, which previously was kept down by disease and illness, but which now needs to be reduced in other ways due to the existence of cures and medicines.

What would you consider to be the optimum size of a family, and would you consider it to be selfish of a family to have children that they may not be able to look after properly due to a number of reasons? and what does gurbani say about the question of family size.

One last thing I wish to ask is whether any reference has been made to homosexuality within gurbani, and if so, what does the gurbani tell us.

I am personally aware of a number of Gay Sikh men who practice their religion and are happy with their sexuality, including those Sikhs who have taken amrit and joined the Khalsa. Both myself and my friends would be extremely grateful if you could answer these questions for us.

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REPLY
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Dear One:

Sat Siri Akal Ji.

I will reply to your comments according to the order in which they appear above.

1. I doubt that homosexuality was a consideration when the Sikh Gurus gave us their teachings. Frankly speaking, it was probably the least of anyone?s concerns, especially by the time of the 10th Master, due to our need to battle for our very survival as Sikhs. I think what you are REALLY asking is why current Punjabi /Indian culture (not to mention various segments of Western culture)doesn?t condone or address homosexuality. I think homosexuality has yet to be addressed by Sikhs at a sangat or larger Sikh community level. Perhaps that is OK, but since I am not gay, I cannot say for certain. The only way homosexuality will be addressed is if folks like you and your friends choose to push it into the open in some way.

2. If one cannot see God in all, one cannot see God at all. Sikhi teaches us that we can never know the limits of the Creator, His mind, His ways, or His Plan. So if YOU feel you were born gay, then indeed, that is how God made you, no matter what anyone else says. Those who criticize you for your sexuality criticize the Creator who molded you and all of us, to paraphrase the shabd by Kabir (Aval Allah Noor Upa-i-aa). WHY you were born gay can be theorized and wondered about, but it is useless to wonder at God's ways on this or a host of other things.

3. (BTW, I was not the moderator who answered the post you refer to re: Lavan.) This is true: Marriage is about your relationship to Guru. Those who circle the Guru MARRY the Guru, and Guru brought the two together. So now it is about the two peoples? relationship to Guru as ONE. Guru Ram Das wrote the Lavan for his own wedding to Bibi Bhani Kaur. I think Siri Guru Granth Sahib PRESUMES marriage between man & woman, but does not, so far as I have read, EXPLICITLY mandate it. (I am not a scholar on Gurbani!)

There is another point I?d like to make about the reaction of many in our extended community to homosexuality. Guru Gobind Singh gave us the Rehit and our form and never said squat about our sexuality. Moreover, who gives any sangat or bhai sahib or jethadar the authority to say So&So cannot bow before Guru or live as Sikh because of his or her sexuality (or color, or race, or gender, etc!)? Guru Teg Bahadur died on behalf of a Hindu?s right to worship as Hindu. Sikhs do not evangelize; we believe strongly that each person has a right to worship the Creator as he/she chooses. So, by extension, we should not close our temple doors when a gay person chooses to bow before Siri Guru, otherwise we would go against all the sacrifices that have been made so we could live as Sikhs today!

4. I think IN THEORY that, yes, it possible to have same sex marriages before the Guru. Whether a sangat or officiating bhai sahib would actually allow it is another matter.

5. Re your questions about having children:
Sikhs are not mandated to ?go forth and multiply? (as the Bible says to Christians). Guru gave us a faith in which we could be liberated and still be householders, rather than become meditative ascetics as the only way to be liberated. And there are SO many orphaned children who need parents, so what is the big deal if two people cannot bear their own children for whatever reason? Is bloodline that important in a child when their Spirit and Soul still need nurturing? Remember that Guru Ram Das Ji was an ORPHAN.

The Sikh path has four pillars: bani, bana, simran, & seva. A Sikh can live a married/parent householder?s life or not. I choose to stay single and still consider myself fully Sikh.

6. We are not always the same gender from lifetime to lifetime, and while some souls reincarnate as non-humans, most do not. The gender (and species, where applicable) of any soul is a part of the karms that a soul has. Karm is cause & effect. As you sow, so shall you reap from lifetime to lifetime. So being gay could well be a karm. Most of us have had equal numbers of lifetimes as men and as women.

7. As for being gay because of "remnants" of past lifetimes, I think it is highly possible, since that is how karms function. The question for you to ask yourself is: what does it matter now that I am here? There may be a lesson for you, there may not be. Meditation on the Naam will help you find out for yourself and help you be true to all that you are. I say this because I would rather see a person happy and out than unhappy and in the closet because they cannot 'overcome' who and what they are. Perhaps their lesson in life is to fully accept themselves as the Creator made them, and love their differences as well as the differences in those around them. Living in ANY kind of duality goes against our birthright to learn to live in the One as One.

8. Siri Guru Granth tells us that those that (think) they know God don?t know Him at all. Don?t presume to understand God?s plan about population control or why there are gay people. It is a waste of your precious time.

9. Family size is not mandated in Siri Guru Granth and it should be a personal decision between the parents wishing to raise a family. To my knowledge, Gurbani doesn?t recommend family size either; Gurbani DOES say that whatever the size of your family, we should not be so attached to family members that we forget we are here to remember Waheguru. Yes, it is selfish if someone takes on the responsibility of children and then blows it off intentionally. Accidents and illnesses can cause the same effect, but I?m talking about people who are not there for their children because they choose not to be for some reason or another. We are in an Age where we CAN control to some extent our family size and family obligations so as to ensure that everyone is cared for.

10. You ask a lot about what Gurbani says and I think it is time you got yourself a Siri Guru Granth Sahib and did a Sehej Paath (in English or both Gurmukhi & English) so you can see for yourself what Gurbani says (if you have not aleady done so). I think you will not find it so difficult to follow. Dr. Sant Singh?s translation on Sikhnet web site is pretty straightforward and free of the floweriness of Manmohan Singh?s English version. However, if you are a Punjabi speaker/reader, then Manmohan Singh's also offers a Punjabi explanation next to the Gurmukhi.
Then you can answer these questions for yourself. I am halfway through Siri Guru in my first Sehej Paath and don?t recall ANYTHING explicit about homosexuality at all. Siri Guru talks about being attached to ?wife, brother, sons, relatives? and that this is the danger. --That we define ourselves by our attachment to family (who do not go with us when we die) rather than attach to Waheguru. It does not mean don?t LOVE your family, it does mean have a neutral mind and remember that even family is a gift of Waheguru, not something to OWN.

God bless you Jio, to ever chant His Naam.
-DKK