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Summary of Question:	Reply To Boyfriend Gone Bad
Category:	General Sikhism
Date Posted:	Saturday, 8/02/2003 6:02 PM MDT

Some good words to listen to*****************

Hi, I am so sorry to hear your story. Why r u treated like a slave? Why can't u talk to n e one? thats what the site is for (i think). My boyfriend (from 2 yrs) also was in the same boat as yours. He drank, he joked that he went to strip clubs with his friends and then would say he was just joking and fight with me that i don't trust him enough. seems like he was capable of turning everything on me. But, i will say he never called me any names or disrespected me or my body. He didn't drink when we met, but took the habit later on with his "Friends". Look, u have to decide whats good for u now. When things are taken into the marriage level, this could shame ur family and make u look bad in his family cuz the truth is in most desi families iz always the "girl's fault". I say thats not the case in ALL families, but mostly girls are easier to blame so they become the scapegoat. This is what i did, i hope it will help u come to your decisions. I left him! Yes it hurt like someone physicaly took my heart and pierced it with needles...it hurt unbelievable much!! What made things worst was his reaction when i left him, he didn't put up a fight, or offer to change his ways or even try to work his habits into the way he use to be. Instead, he argued that I AM the one whose changed not him. I tried drinking once to see what he likes, i didn't like it. So i told him i didn't like it. He refuse to talk to me for almost 2 weeks, becuz i had tried alcohol. It was ok for him to do but not for me. It hurts untill today, becuase i keep myself away from guys, its just painful. But honey, atleast i am not married with kids and going through this...times will change. I think if i had married him instead of leaving him, i would've been taking my family and his family into this drama and spread my pain into them. and yes....i would've gotten the blame. He still drinks, he misses me very much, through mutual friends i am told that he still has strong feelings for me. Who knows maybe he regrets it or maybe he doesn't. But i did wat was best for me. Your situation can be different, try talking to him, see if you can somehow make him realize his habits have changed. You can't help him if he doesn't want to be helped. I miss my love very much! But i dont go to sleep crying, like i did for several months. Talk to your parents if u can, get them to talk to his parents. Get the parents involved and see if they can help. Whats going on with him is his karma, maybe this ride with him isnt suppose to last as long as you like or won't be as smooth as you like. Just ask god for the courage to take on whatever is in your karma.
I hope this helped, i can't give you any answeres, just look into the future and see where you like to be in 5 yrs and see if this is wat you like to take with you?
Goldy