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Summary of Question:Marriage Problems
Category:Love & Marriage
Date Posted:Friday, 1/08/2010 11:31 AM MST

Sat Sri Akal Ji,


I am in a dilemma of my life where I am not able to decide whats right and whats wrong. I am 24 yr old sikh female. I have been in a relationship for last 7 years. But now when its the time for marriage my "bf" or person whom i considered my soul-mate tells me that his mom is totally against this marriage. They are bit rich then my family, he has a better job then I do and hence they think its not a good match. I am surprised at my bf because he said me that he cannot force his decision on his mom. I understand and appreciate that he respects his mother. But it just leaves me in a shock seeing him accepting her decision and not batting for our relation. He says whomever he gets married to in future I will remain his only love but I don't understand what kind of love is this. When He knows that I will do my best to be daughter of his parents, in terms of amount of attention, love and care they'll need I'll always be at their service and I love him just way too much. I know he loves me sincerely too but I just don't know since when he started thinking like his mom. He somewhere also thinks that if we get married it will be an unmatched alliance since he thinks he somehow "subjectively" is superior to me. We have shared wonderful relationship together and now it was just the right time to be partners for life but I have no idea why are they having problems. His mom knows that we have been going out and she thinks therefore I am a characterless girl and thus she will not let me be her daughter in law. We are still talking on phone etc but I don't feel like talking to him anymore. He tells me that He'll be upset if I don't call him but on the other hand he refuses to convince his mother. Things are just not making sense anymore. Is there any path that I can do to resolve these issues? I'd very deeply appreciate all the help and kind words of guidance.


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REPLY
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Dear,
This is a very hard thing to go through in life but there is a hidden blessing in this situation. Even though you gave this man 7 years of your life you just found out what he is made of. It is best to know that he does not have a spine to stand up to his mother now than after you are married and stuck together for life. We live in a modern world. When a man truly loves a woman nothing can stop him from being with her especially not his mother no matter how much he loves her. If he was to marry you his loyalties need to be to you and his new family. Even though he loves his mother he has to commit to building a life with you and that is the real future.
If he can not brake away from this situation and declare what he really wants in life that he does not really want it ... or does he.
You are absolutely right, it does not matter that your family is not as rich as his or your job is not as great as his. To a real man none of it would matter. The thing that matters how you can build all of it together and be happy even if you don't become really rich. Real marriage is about sharing things and contributing to each other happiness instead of calculating what the other person can give you. If anything, he should be proud he makes more money than you do because it will allow him to be a great provider for his family.
When only superficial things matter in life then the relationship is not real.
All you can do is wish him happiness no matter what he does with his life and hope that you will find someone who shares your views and will make you happy.

DWK



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